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TMIT: GEORGIA GRUNGE
1. one thing that you will never do again? attend summer camp! what was i thinking all those years!? it was horrible! i didn't mind the cockroaches or the bugle horn in my ear, what i minded was that...
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HEELER: MEASLY BUCK
lives a witch in them thar woods. but it's not what you think. a witch for the modern world.Taki Kettleflower is a reporter for the most egregious newspaper in all of Obec Woods, The Kettle Flower. it...
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WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS SHOULD BE LEGAL
notes:* one day this will all seem normal again...* representation, more valuable than green money. cash that is, not a check. tho we need checks. greenbacks. poker chips.* still the best logo in...
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TMIT: THE BLOB! IN NEW SPECTREVISION! PUT ON YOUR 3D GLASSES NOW! YOU DIDN'T...
1. is falling in love effortless? yes. i fall in love with literally every person who crosses my path. i love my enemies more than my friends. Jesus likes this but my friends don't. one time i had a...
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HEELER: BIGGER MEN THAN PICARD
Melbourne: NEWS FLASH!!!Taki: what?Melbourne: thought of the headline before you did i win.Taki is dripping, once from the wet all over her body, twice from the trickles of treacly blood on her butt....
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THELMA & LOUISE 2: FOREVER ALONE
notes:* whenever you're alone, especially alone in a big new strange city, you have to keep repeating to yourself in your head over and over, "I am not crazy, the WORLD is..."* woman: that's Lady...
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TMIT: TOO MUCH INFORMATION TACO TUESDAYS!!!
1. you can only keep 3 things from this list, pick and explain your picks:coffeejewelrybookschocolatewine or beerNetflixtacoswithout coffee i'd be dead, they'd ironically bury me in coffee grounds/ the...
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HEELER: FLEXIN' IN MY COMPLEXION
Taki swims back home. the river is unusually warm this evening. she is feeling maudlin but thoughts of her son perk her up. she crosses the wet threshold of vines and gobbles up her three bites of...
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ONLY ONE COOK
notes:* boneless breasts, the best kind* stereo not available in your country* overhead bird's-eye view of 1985 from drones made way back in 1985* i know all those cars look like toy cars, but that's...
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TMIT: SEXY TIME
1. what is sexy time to you? whenever Borat tricks me in an interview2. who's sexier---men or women? clearly women. even straight women would agree. we men are just kinda here on this planet hanging...
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HEELER: RAINBOW NUGS
Taki: can a lowly reporter ask but one thing?: is everyone in the world just a secret sleazeball? do we only know the façade of everything that exists? I KNEW IT!Taki: ...and i know what your next...
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GARY, WE NEED YOU
notes:* there's a mythic quality to '80s stars isn't there* you know it's serious when the subtitles automatically come on.* Rule Number One!!!: never say hello.* InStep: the yoga dojo Elvis studied...
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TMIT: SAVE THE CATSUIT!!!
1. what type of clothes make you feel sexy?a) a specially selected casual outfitb) lingerie or silky pajamasc) elegant dressy evening clothesd) anything that leaves me almost nakedthe Serena Williams...
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HEELER: COMMUNITY CHEST
Taki wakes up in a perfumed pastiche of dry man-sweat, streaked white covers, dead flowers, and fish droppings. she is aghast, licks the crust on her eyes, and immediately closes her mouth. she...
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I LOVE YOU TO NEED ME
notes:* i still remember my first ViewMaster. everyone else's on the block was red, mine was faded-orange and unique, i was the special child. i never let anyone else play with it, i was stingy and hid...
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HEELER: PLAYBOY FLYER
Taki: what does it feel like, when you're driving around a village in your Formula 1 car like that?Melbourne: like a dream. someday i will know for sure.Taki: what's the next extreme i mean...
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NOT THE KAEP NIKE AD
notes:* btw, that ad was the most noncontroversial thing ever. it could even shock you with inspiration if you let it. this has got to stop. on all sides. sure Kaep's not the most-polished speaker but...
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TMIT: COOKIE STAR
Ray Charles is blind. love is blind. God is love. Ray Charles is God. Burt Reynolds is God. Burt Reynolds is Ray Charles.1. when i can't sleep i___pretend i'm dead2. my dream bedroom would be full...
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HEELER: BUZZSAW
the Horse Croquet horses are having a cold one at the pony pub when suddenly their bones start to shake. they become cold. they feel it.horse: mate, gotta cut it short. a storm's a'comin'. btw we came...
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GHOST AND THE MAN: A PECULIAR LOVE STORY
notes:* the man, named Chico: i didn't know who else to call.Clark: we can handle anything. except Ghostbusters played by female Pop Team Epic. this is a nice white house you've got here, sir.Chico:...
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