PhD PAT: SPRING BREAK

Rachel Maddow: i was the Farrah Fawcett of my high school...

Bump: the bigly biglie Big Lie...

Walt Fosney shit on me all you want but my characters are th only ones whoch make chdlren all over the wold smile in hispitals, even the arb world...

Trent Rezbor: ilm Marilyn manson without the emss...

Ga;ivant; so where are yougojn g for spring break?

Pat: i was thinking Rome...

Galicant: yeh bot you;re going for your PhD! there;s no spring berak for you! you;re a REAL student!!!

Par: eberypne needa a break? wnana cvome?

FalivabtL: FINALLY you sak!  bit i cum wothut your permission...

Pat: iw a sthinking take in some gleato in mu belly. take in some muyseums...

Galivant: i ehard someone paimted a mask ontp the Mona Lisa; sile, that should be inetetstong to see...

Pat: there;s an exhovition where all the teenage colleeg stdients of Rome takle to the streets and in one big body-art body-;langage echibition they al lie down on the cobbelstone hea to fppot and ahve the bogegfst fuycking foma party thos sode of a German rave. bit all the foam is really HAD SANITIZER bubbles...

Galicant; just primsie me you won;t cross the borfer and go abcl to the UK...your school;s NYC bow...

Syepahnie brams: its Biog Tit Week! i emna Bog Rog Week here at The raghehrcahennl!...

Mrodth starts an unhouse greetong-card businessm adem pons helps on the side,,,

Crapg nmelvin bunmops omnto broyany Gumbe,l on the set of Today:

Craog: i;m the new toy, excpt y whote wife is gotterh tha yours,

Hialry Ckunton: we egt itm toulte both Democrtas...

Bryant: punkass kid. i gonot Kobe. i mae betetr gi,mbo than Firrest Gump. i amde the chaor you sot on...

Craog; sit on it! ilm not a punk kid i enjpy punk usic.

broant: YEAH BNUT HAVE YOU EVER BEENM ON SNL, YOUNGBLOOD?!!!

Anmoe lennox:L the "No More 'I Love Yous'" video, i predicted handmaid; tale...

nanem Pins husg marodth.

Madme PonsL i lvoe your taste in musocm iutls so elclectiv. i;d tevel to the ends of the Earth for gpps kjuci. OU trach ME.

MarofthL when i listrebn to annoe lennoc i get transported. ilm following Snnie on tiptoe gh o  the mintains on a precarous vine-broege inm the high trees, both of us naked, skuy gull ofg ns nd fgog. Annoe shoots ne that varzed kiin abd iu sgoot ine to her back. we bot assume the nnekt sance. we;ve scaped the emntal watd in the hikk and we;re not looking back. we're gonan escae to our latibule in the alkes. just a ane,. Snmoe lennox was the orogonal Titam. she wrotes ny=beaotoful jsuci y crazy kusic for crazy epoeple thay cab kin lt be appreciated nu ctazi people.

Gprpfm tamsay: uces are piut on dishes wge the good ptslef doens;t hold up...

ceculy DtrongL SNL is goo bot itls alkso dosposbale pop cultitere...

Jillian Calre: tey;re fark=bron not nlack eyes kay?! u;v ebeen made faded and cybcak by show business.

Pat: o lnow what heaven is. it;s woth you my brown-skinned maritime wavey splashy cortesan in an Amcoent Toman pnkseashell bed flitterong wgitye sheets inb tge bkie moon wind little tonyw ayrfakllks one ach side. we finallt wennt out tod rinks!! i tnoght it saod Vears ike VChciago bears on bis ebabnoe bot it said Beers...

Rachel Luba sypes into LUSH. Madme Pons shales her hand vofprpusly.

Mad,e Pons: love the Febroratu haor, mau i have eprmkisison to call you hot? yoit; my herp. in for a loofa<> no libe here...

racvle LubaL: is hete a location in my hometwn?

Pons: jo, ma;ao.l omly ritzy Varmel, none in Monetery, wink wink...

RcejL got any balls?

PinsL *eues light uo( why yes! 

Rachel: no, abeballs...

Jihn beliushi: look at that joigh eyebrownarch of monbe b my facem u ciudka played Bluti AJF Popeye!!! sorry, Robon Williamns...

Cassie on New Yprk: i clulnlt eat a bog apple.........get it? 

cassieL e wenated a red apple gor they oblt had green apples...

celineL kisy pippinh on loike The Muoe Dhow. steeping into the office to say i;lmw roiotng the enxt Bfeore film and yes itls gonna gtale lakce in New Yprk City and yes Cassie is fgonna be on it, o dnlt need to be pretty anymore...

Eye Lugage: wait why os the emojo for wind a woman> thatls rtahr secist...

DorgL thals not a womanm thags the Wind Godm a hippei wotj long bhair...

Ketys; jupies were the fprst attenmt at Boeie androgynym, men wir long hair

NBarabar EssL i dinlt wea a cuom i out on my bog-bot pans, nattle in my Y-wing. m phptphgrapy was roch on vlacjl whotem abd a sctagly pueec f gaor-brpwn. i was the snale> i AM yhe snale! not mean, emrely gobbling up emre mortals. saving Velma...

TyxkiL eet ehrt that one Instagrma followet wgi lagoh-emojis eveotome you losy a or soul whi asse awaw tth the sober parpgn=hands emho and R.I.P.?,,, 

E,ma Meisel: yas bot what;s thw gerat shoe of today> what;s the seinfeld of 2020? what;s the ER of 2020?...

Mamme Pknsl one of my girkls saos poklyammroty saved ehr lofe...

talahhi: cetanntl didnblt hor when he rfatehr YThe Oenguin was arrestd pm arspn of the Oceberg Lounge...she was finallt free from his web-footed cliutches...

DirgL Paris Hulton looked hot as a cop...

artisL you joshy ajbe to accpt the gae that yu losh the elction,m you losh the Civil War,m agaon...

Bill MurrayL for soem reason young hot syacled nubile Hollwodod actress starlets ak lvoe me...

rent rzborL i joined a sucode=prevention hotlone ot Dalding Gray, Reach rdoay,m and Coemdy central...

Jillian Cajtrel unforeseen eaths jave affecyed nem ilmd ea disndie henc emy blank stare,. ilm no a balck widow, bot Trous was the torth,..

MarothL when tourle cosmnnslt psoting on isntragram aboiut how gra your marriage os,m that y fund what others never finm i emna wht temot fate like that?...

S,dma GormanL thatls th prnlem,m i onlt alsts one dat, abd tgem the enxt day yiu gitta be bzuzed into oj rown palce...

Edioe urohy; i relaly am rlted to the peoent. my middkle name rwlaly is reagan.  Brrokl,, the alnd of th seed of ALL km csnspfred intlelectual dangerpis cratovoty, Nw yprj the ksty fangerus cotu on the wold...

FDtewoe grofon: you ahev to jdnerstand, Fanil Git wa neevr emant to go on for this long. our wroters are soebt, there is LITERALLU notbhibng ekfr for us to do...

Forycel so what, are tjr w of u McHags now?...

Gree DFayL we ere isnpoired for Dookie np yhr znedtome for democracy cver...

Foryce: ilm going into a Budgens to gree Bgie the vudgie. gly, bordiue gly! free, vordie, free!

Takahshil uetstday i ahd an ianne amoutn of free tome, 20 hours to sare. i boiught AD beat a baandnew video game o ajd neer sen before IN ONE DAY, do you know how deperssing that is?...

Dorgl i need to start runninjg again...

Lartus: agaion?

Dorfl runnig briskly. a brosj walk, his prsidency eas socn a rarh of frwh aor, yoiu knwo> not the same ol staod same ol. a stoell in belowferszing renos, rrally taste the frogod air...

meothL donlt lookm at me...

Laetys oi;d neebr makle it, toulre alerady the vodytype of a snowman,.,,''

Masako Katsura: nt the mangaka, tje billaptd queen. i ipe thr Back Widow pf tpdau wgi stole mya ct recobvers,,,

Tim CurryL Meatloaf tatses nbeuer oth curry. i wa sretty when iw as oung...

Dorgl everytome if ilm lucky on my ksnagem i get thta one improatnt hot Holwypdd celen abe on my Dyries, the Algprothm grante me bit ONE...

Michsel eiuss; io npvok ehr every tme...

FprgL yours>

Mocharl: yours...

Vkcnnt Dchiabellyl i palked the forst recrrong gay cjaaveyr on Smericna tv! i wa smore than a gulking Frnalenstein...

Jaclk Tripeprl rmemebr o mu show thigsb sgot taken to the ext kevek wgenevr yiu were gina soend the wleeld   on the liuntains worh tour dayem that was wgen thigns got seuous...

rekka from Fire Force: C-C-C-C-C-COCAINE!!!

jForycel i know, the ;80s, Indio, Palm Dpromngs, napa, watching golf, Dtyouffer's fenchbrad pzzam on a beaded rag borning the roof of or mouth. not the Dyoufufelr;s ones arw tojnt, the red Barob fenchbread pizzas are fonerm nore ubstantial...

DorgL mote manly...

GkyceL i gey so gont ot yales too omg to rppare tje mosnrtoom omelette o have o ea befre i wash the forty pits and panms..

Forycel out next kaont is to SFMOMA.

glayceL the dam Fancso Noseom of Mern Srt. 

ForyceL u wbat tis ee the disoay of Moster Rigers fvng the finger.

Hlaycel iw ant to see Mrtin yan! he ljebs ther right>

madme Pons i nay o wor there! that;s where the LOve jat is, right?

Dyeven Findty MD: *tirns on elctern* thibka  banaa is good for you> think again. think an effg is good for you> think agaon, rhik ojttong a bana and an egg toheger is good for you> think ahain, thinm yot;e human> jink agaon...

Moabhel euss i a  onk bunny usit eating a celeryL i ahveaqustion...

TyzikL let;s see frp tnhes e7 facebo n=geup siefstions if facebooj os anu closer to fgting out who i am...

Mariam Nout: i;m the Levanes mu goodman...

Micharl eiss in a Dinakld Dic sailot hai: TikTokl on esteo beow OnklyFans...

Lartus; her;s one worls tha;s worse than moist: sharted

Forglz you gotta be evry careful whe betxting, 

is much ofiegrm gtom 

laetuis; Forg, Imnnraitonal Eoenls day is not yor day tof ck...

MarotthL i dontl wnat to go onto his Instgram agaom. evethytome  enetr hk Instagram Dtpries after a long banece ot ksit reodns ne od a qieks  rell enrv eneter...

Forgtlz bot it;s the vonespseole in eashongton wh are the hard=pf=hearong ones...

croens; the Evergard Baths are open to everpne...

raklahshi:L any desert palce in calofotnia os akais te sanel one The Habot Burger Grikkl drobethru, one tabocls sribthru, miles and ilers of hot whote sodewakj on sand...

becku BlasbandL he s season of The real Eorld was foeerjt, it was substantial ewhi didnlt MTV make 30 seasons of OUR Seasobn 1? thso coulda been appointmnt tleeviosn, a show that ateterd like SNL to change society...

Forg; adil=cpntmeproary, huh?...

Fprgl if you;e an L.A. acotr kid, yo lpier on one of tpw palcesL Joshua ree, Fsineyland...

Lucy oirkL i was rhe iblt wg]ne wo actual;ly fof a bearslon-spread of Freddie Mercuty...

Rock Rodhersl i am the ionly mnan aston Fdigers is scard of...

Dorgl if i everr had a Fatak Sttraiton stoatuon whegre a crazu cgick was rong to ikk me, hat wold be ao got t enm i as worthy eboign of a humanbeiong o be loved that way...

Marodthl well chased hat ay, lo e ius osession nut osbeession is npt oe...

Nadne PonsL iunloke nen women can tale the iny...

Lrtys hels kist not thta into you...

Dirycel you gotta se THIS milk nolel THIS bottle of milk, the exporation darte is mu orthday!

Bi;; urrayL see? y lisp doesnlr afgefct the chocls thing...

Tobin EliamsL we all wra amsks...

Minerbva MagazineL: e donlt nly d he sesching for Huitler;s tomb...

Slex TrevekL ilve dated everyw oan, EVETY SINGKE WOMAN

LeafFulter goins th suciide=revention hotline...

kaertys; your;e nol leigos cos yoi wer rioawd in Florida...

Michael eiss ub a greenscrene boothL i dodn= get tiktok, t;s too shirt...

Rue LuageL what were we talng baout again?

natlaie Portman: flaboted was oiur slang word on beaptoful Giorls.

Laua Linney: dense.

ool-DSod Man: oh yeah!

Natalie prtmanL here waa acene where Willie ahdns ne a oacet if Kool=Sid powder until Eoody Sllen noed it...

natalir pottnabL Cjros D;Rlia, we di tl wnat tour kind round thes eaorts,. kindkly torn arond and go back whee yoi cma efro on  swan what brung ya. swim away on the forzen pond...

naalie prtmanl now if you;ll exvise me  habve a oney-Nit Vheriso commecuak to film...

Eue Luggae: Tman uliday and go...

DorgL i emna the tos thing tho, right? one secrey roiducer who ilm sopre was a Vmunist at the tome decsrobed Sisorey hepbirn a s[erfetc for this role cos she ahd bo tits, no ass, no tightfiitng clothes, no hrrld. dodnlt know people said tots in the l50s...

Gina Lollobrigifam age 93: hey, antoOItalian sentiment is real, it cuaed au people a lfieotme world of hort. 

Licuipo ossi: anticurvesm too, my bubble butt went through the ringer. taliann s aren;t just pizza, spaghetti, the mafia, and being supernmsrt ublie Mario Loze...

MarvonL why didnlt yu fuck me. i coulda easult gor into your abgina.

Sydroe HeputnL i date men not boy. like when Diphia oren forst saw Tyrpne Powee...

Diphia lorenL que bello

Sudrey Martian manunter is a man. this wa smy evry firts film and i won the sacmdey ward for it, that poirtended thd fitor, huh.

Laerys: the ingenius enigenie! the dashing denitante! the sornging staket!

Eye: not daring deiutanet.

Natalie Piortmanl y;know i;m known as the dlkernda udrey hepburn...

Sudrye hepbiutnl i dontl see it.

LaerysiL in al,l fainres the acitng ehre is...just kind apassable form youl Dudrey, at leats at th start, whic is excted as ths is your frst role. but you do beocme kroe ived=in a the end. Gregory peck;s no showstopepr, he;s kosy srta there, plating Tall Darkl and Handosme.

Gregory eck; the Italian summers doewn there were midrer! i HAD to eear Ddteu;s silk nighgown to keep cool! it was like a Twilgiht Xie eosidoe! i was like iw a son trial, foightiong for my lie! the srudio system forcved me to go doen to the rvoera cos they wanted that to be the new locaiton for Holtwodod! i dodn;t have the ehart tot ell them the onl palm trees they;d fond there wuld be in gelato cups as tthpicks. i didnlt nat thos role, i wated to paly Eody eiidpackler!

SidreyL i wa squite eockish when i w doen her filming, the studio system sad i could onlt eat gekato. i was so skinny i priposelfllu fulbbe dmy kiv during the watr scene so i could dirnk the Rober. i wnatd anothe roart bpt Kataronme Hepbotn kept geting all y parts!!! they were comusing YOU for ME!!! 

Katanrone Hepburn: you dumnb bitch! peol;le tinkw e;r elatd bot we;re not!.........i know, iy;s the strabgets thong in the world, Hepbotn is not exatckly a common mae, we were both stars of the Godlen Era arojdn the ma etime, it;s incocneocballe thet we wnre;t sister sor soemthing...

DorgL whn men were men! whn men were men?

Eye: ;pm sorry bot Eddie Dkenbrt, yeah. it;s very strnage, i llok at hm in this film and he lietrlaly looks like a being another tem epriod, he lloks like an ctor form now  from the 2000s, he;s Scott groems from ER. o betetr eyt he;s Dvptt groems form  The aorvilel who tok that shoo abck in tinme! he;s supsoed to e alkting a Rsioan. did i ctec e rssiuan accnet ONCE?!!

Eddie kenrtL that scene ij the pcitrue where i talk about my local gorlfiend...i marreod in reak ife Margo, a woman soe xortic and emisetrosu she nl ahd ne anme...

Vodruys:  reconoze all these filming lcoations in and aord Rome...

Mrgaret rwlings: i wa sVelma befrpe velma...

Alfredo Rizzo: i w a sth smart man, never leave a drink gitl in your vab, that;s onlt toruble later.

Dorg shales Rzzi;s hand then goes to shake it and pull sout at the last kinute to air=cmb hos greasy haor...

the abrebr: i svae didrey hepbtnm@ by cotung ehr haor short!

Cer:L i dod that frst!

Jennfoer Cnsiton: no me!

dydirey: would you ebleev em if i td you i olayed babbeall not softabll for y colege rtam...

Laerys; okay your two svcrems i thsi film are wodnmerful. the forts on e where youe gone crazy or si that yiua cting< and the sced  one whn you think Gregory peck;s hand has bene chioped off.

Sydofrey:L honestky that owuld have made regory eck a betetr over...

narlaioe Portnman: yes women go ndue to bed. or in my era onlt wrat the pahama nOTTMS...

Rye; oooh the wya yu crabe your encl loiek that, girl, hats panfgyl, that's chirpracty om Medoeval times. your ha! sbows you're a playfyl sprite. why does evetyone always scape palaces in laudny troicks?...

Rue: she;s alrady dead nside cos shels a eoman in the ;50s. not a deatove just a 7-Up soda pill. the girl kn Shelely. ANF keats! she mist not be THAT drunk. geta rojd t he tep=ebd thogns woth a cot.  

meghan markle: DON;T PAY FOR THE EXCLUSIVE!!! ut;ll ruin all lives invilved! bogn a picness ain;t hat it; ctacked up to be!

Ruel there are no shoes small enoguht o fit a woman;s feet, thtals a lot of damage coased by tht vespa...

Crogl just at yoru eelshes, djdrey, and the cop;ll et you go...or the tacoman...

eddoe Dkbert: i sbhpt the princess wth the abrber, it would have been a worldwode scandal! with my cmaera that is. but rhe babrer wouldn;t play along...

the baebrL your;e cute for a 2020 man...

RinikonL and now we have mu fbaoroye sceme, the river scem. wth the onligatory -totoallystaged man-on=man fostpn-fost wedding[arty-carsher sceme cs e bety wediding patry MUST ne crahsed. amd the prefctyntory kiss beywene the elads...

Laeryusl okat the acitng starts to get etetr ehre. when youle crying, Dudorey, i feel your deep inenr turnoil, you wnat to abdovcate so badly bot you cna;t, rpogd rpsponivlity over tyro love, the pain in your eyes, you;re tapeped in a  avage.

Meghan;l and eter brady ainlt coming in ona  whote ohse to save you...

Eddoe Dlenrt: whe we clooked at the hptpgraphs mor cloely, we gfound Princess Ann waa hodking Jimi hendrox;s electroc guitar...

udreuL i;ve had betetr rbekafats in the U.S....i love those IHOp brurutuos!

LareyisL gerta actong at the end there. drey;s tryong to keep a stff upper=lip for the press but you know shels shaking inside. 

Rye; how it should agone down:

Sudteu: s happy. i shalel enevr be ahppy again. i shall cherosh my time i Rome the most. for all my days. cma i gobve that random meicna reporter there a kiss? my tongie in hos ear the itrlaian kiss.

 Gregory: and then i atnd in ta emoty corch for a fucking hour, and i lakj away sliely ut take sa fucking hur of screentome!!!