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PhD PAT: SPRING BREAK
Rachel Maddow: i was the Farrah Fawcett of my high school...Bump: the bigly biglie Big Lie...Walt Fosney shit on me all you want but my characters are th only ones whoch make chdlren all over the wold...
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MY SORDID HISTORY WITH TEACHERS...
notes:* yeah i've always had a thing for teachers. like someone who gets interested in cars after watching Speed Racer i got interested in teachers after watching Magic School Bus. Ms. Frizzle was my...
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TMIT: HEDGE FUND
Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!!1. if you pay someone to do one chore what would it be? make the entire world socialist2. if i gave you $1000000, how much would you give to charity?all of it. then i'd open...
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PhD PAT: PINOCCHIO GOT TATTED UP INSIDE MONSTRO
Pat sits down at the Student Centre with galivant:Galivant: stident centre>Pat: well it;s relaly just a ub i mean bar with a birrowed Broadway stage. Rocky Horror;s playong enxt week...Galivnstl...
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DOGS OF THE WORLD
notes:* being in a rock band is the best job in the world.* Phoenix: Tucson?...* Hannity: my favorite vape flav is the bubblegum...* who's the hot goth babe?Lisa: Lisa. i like black.* the Pope: i want...
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TMIT: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I'M NAKED
no other place i'd rather be on this day than here with my friends. sure but we're all air in the end. how old? i lost count when i died...1. what was your first job?i held the 7-Eleven coke-smoothie...
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PhD PAT: MACE FROM OUTER SPACE
Pat: having a hard time making friends. what should i do?Galivant: well actually this Student Centre is a jumpin' joint! it's where all the hep cats perch! you could maybe join some of the students...
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LEMON-PEPPER LILY
notes:* Archer on his knees crying: MOTHEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!Jeffrey Tambor: i feel REALLY bad now...Clint Eastwood: now there was a dame...* Drake from State Farm: am i menacing or playful...
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TMIT: 1941 AQUAMAN
WOULD YOU RATHER1. have sex with someone who never showers or someone who never brushes their teeth?TWO WORDS: RAINFALL SHOWERHEADi was having the most delightful dream: i was in a treetrunk shower in...
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PhD PAT: HOW BIG IS MY FIRE?
Boc: as a trans person, i just want to say have a nice day. Mardith: whenever i get in a rut i close my eyes and intone silently to myself the one-word prayer:FLOWDirg: i won't be watching the new...
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CORNHOLE PICKLEBALL
notes:* HAPPY EASTER he says as the drone drops his Garfield devil beach towel. in the '80s as a kid he had a Garfield in a cute devil costume, now he has a Garfield with Satan goat horns growing out...
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PhD PAT: NOMAD WITHOUT A NOMADLAND
Pat: i am innocent. nobody is evil they're just misunderstood. i am a wanderer just like you...Bryson DeChambeau: cork the bubbly, i'm here. call me the inch man. how can i be a carnivorous caveman...
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THE ONE IN APRIL
notes:* Phoenix: brutal week, Coke, you FINALLY did the right thing but i was seriously considering the boycott. ME. ME!!! ME AND COKE!!! * Doryce: see, dear? this man needs four eggs despite the empty...
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TMIT: SAKURA AND TMIT DROPS!
1. what is an ideal weekend for you?no SNL. don't get me wrong, i love SNL. i obsess over SNL. but a man needs to breathe on the weekends.........when there's no SNL i watch old SNLs from the '70s and...
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P.S. PAT: WOODEN SCHICK
Galivant: QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE?Pat: uh...Galivant: it that what's on the lunch menu? and me without my blue tray. look, obviously something has gone completely wrong and off-the-rails on your...
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CASSETTE IN THE BUSH
notes:* this is it, this is the EXACT tape. my first exposure to rap...which explains so much about my life. it's so old Vanilla has a beard. i remember that star on top. i'm ashamed to admit if it...
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TMIT: MAKE IT RAIN HONEY
1. has money ever ruined a relationship for you?i was a seasonal Santa at the mall one Christmas. i was ringing the bell for the red Salvation Army kettle and pulling in mucho dinero. a nice loaf of...
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P.S. PAT: BETAMAX BEVERLY HILLS
The Pope has an announcement for P.S. 101:The Pope: first of all you kids don't seem the least bit impressed that the very Pope is at your little rinkydink shindig school. i mean i could be ANYWHERE!...
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READ THE ROOM
notes:* Laertus: i would LOVE for Caitlyn Jenner to win! that would be HISTORIC!!! but why you gotta be Republican? and a Bump Republican at that? it's not like Arnold where even though as he speaks...
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TMIT: MATCH GAME IS NOT THE DATING GAME
Matchmaker Matchmaker, make me a match!and they did, too, on that '70s shag orange-and-brown carpet, i mean EVERYONE hooked up with EVERYONE on that show! the keys were so worn out at parties everyone...
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