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PROPER PAT: BOC AND RYAN SEACREST HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART
Pat: in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to reinvent oneself...Galivant: you do that everytime you sleep with one eye open...Pat: it's true, the transformation actually happens...
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THE STONE AGE
notes:* Grandma looks like she's enjoying herself* Seth MacFarlane: the studio said they wanted The Croods to be Family Guy meets Primal...* adult swim: Seth, go script-doctor The Croods. this will be...
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PROPER PAT: ESALEN IS FOR EVERYONE
Galivant: Pat, your voice is well-suited to this journey...President Biden: come on, man, it's gonna be 4 years of boring, it's up to YOU to entertain yourself...Jim Carrey: orange cheese smells...
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DR. RICK NEEDS TO HELP DR. DREW
notes:* not the football player, the actor who is so natural he's gonna be big soon, he's gonna play Glass Joe in the Mike Tyson's Punch Out movie...* if you printed out the directions to get here,...
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TMIT: CHOCOLATE TOMATO
1. would you rather go on holiday to the beach with no bathers or in the mountains with no jacket?i'm a monk, we're hardy folk, we're made of insane stock, i mean who wants to willingly go to prison?...
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PhD PAT: ROME
Pat: i'm going to Dartmouth and i'm gonna study Philosophy.........i'm going for my PhD in Philosophy, which is a double-negative...Galivant: Dartmouth, that's where they have that skinny-dip in the...
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PAC-MAN THROWS DOTS (DARTS)
notes:* *Rod Serling voice* picture if you will an '80s arcade pizzeria. not a neo-noir one like Game Over Pizza in downtown L.A. that's neon-purple. but an actual arcade that existed in the 1980s. now...
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TMIT: I'M OLD. I'M AN OLD MAN NOW
Corrupting Mrs. Jones and i are still playing TMIT 8 years later. and i wouldn't change a week, i've loved it, keeps my weary mind active, kept me engaged especially during 2020 when there were no...
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PhD PAT: DESIGNATED FUCK
Mardith: i'm just waiting around. posting everyday. in the hopes that THIS day a cute boy will see me. even tho i've been posting since i was born. that's why you have to post everyday, you can't miss...
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NO ONE SAW HIM DRINKING
notes:* Alex Trebek: don't worry, i'm holding Brayden Smith in my arms right now.James Holzhauer: me, too. Vegas will weather it all.* Cecily Strong: for those who question SNL's power anymore in this...
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TMIT: ROOTING THROUGH MY BELONGINGS
1. whom do you prefer to discuss politics with?a) partner: if my wife were a Republican the sex would be insaneb) best friend: i told my best friend about the secret ballot and she promised to keep it...
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PhD PAT: FOR SOPHIE
Pat: i'm learning to cope with and without you. with Bono's help.Bono: i'm a star but i'll never be the stars. i'll never be as great as one-name SOPHIE. cos she was capitalized.Pat: in this impossible...
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I'M GLAD
notes:* David Letterman: of course i sucked on Jennifer Aniston's hair, it was a bit, that was the bit!Jennifer Aniston: i was a good sport about it. i get it, white girl with dreads, it's a curiosity....
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TMIT: THAT'S THE FIRST DOCTOR WHO!
1. what food did you eat so much of that now you hate it?this question makes me very sad. it has forced me to reflect, recollect, and realize. you see i used to LOVE Abuelita, it was that very specific...
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PhD PAT: SEVEN BREATHS
Pat: i will do what i have to do. i will trudge forth even if it counts me my life. i will not drink water. if i'm blocked at the gate i'll dig under. i won't let the universe stop me from living my...
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PUBS & PUBES
notes:* The Queen: this is about as much fun as watching cricket oh shit i wasn't supposed to say that!!! relations will be set back centuries!!! all i hear are crickets!!!Fox Mulder: i once did a...
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TMIT: IT'S LIKE THAT NINE INCH NAILS SONG
1. for you, what would be the worst store to have a $1000 gift card for? Cabela's...2. besides a raise or more vacation time, what is the best perk a company can offer you?if i can't be CEO of the...
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PhD PAT: GREYHOUND GIRLS
Pat: to get the girl who;s out of reach, y strove hogherm to go crazy-high, like a teenaged Tom Cruise.Galivant: winter break;s coming up, where are you stayong?Pat i;m drawn to the snow this year, not...
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POCAHONTAS IN THE TRANSFORMERS WORLD
notes:* we can transform into the Transformers' weapons...so we're better bots than the Transformers...they'd be NOTHING without us!!!Megatron: this is how it starts...* at the end of this commercial...
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TMIT: PICTURED BELOW: YOU AND ME
1. pick your next sexual encounter:a) blindfolded during oral sex: i'd rather interview Herve Villechaize. but REALLY interview him this time, you know?...b) sex in a hot tub: only if it's a time...
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