1. you are interviewing someone to be your lover, what are the 3 most important questions you'll ask?
a) are you a fan of Taco Bell's way of putting the hash browns inside the pocket with the rest of the stuff? if she answers yes, she's a breakfast defector so she might defect on our relationship.
b) butt stuff?
c) are you weirded out by the fact that i'm conducting this interview like a job interview?
2. you are interviewing people to be your personal servant/valet, what are your 3 most pressing questions?
a) do you like to serve me? if they answer no, keep them, it means they're anti-authority so they're probably cool.
b) do you have a private jet? airports are the pits, plus i like to wear my faux-leather snoopy cap and goggles and scarf around my neck when i fly to Woodstock with Woodstock.
c) tell them they must "Respect my Authoritah!". if they laugh they're South Park fans and probably cool.
3. you are selecting a pet for you and your family, what are the 3 most important criteria?
a) must fly. and not just fly, fly with a cape.
b) Jurassic Bark. Panucci's Pizza. *crying*
c) do you want Futurama to continue? if the pet answers yes, it could mean the pet's a huge fan. but this is tricky, if the pet answers no, it could be that the pet is such a fan that it doesn't want the legacy of the show to get watered down with new episodes that pale in comparison to its glory years. love is complicated.
bonus: the question the pet asks me: do you think Cruella de Vil is hot? if i answer yes, the pet leaves immediately.
4. name 3 good things you did yesterday: flew. with a cape. helped people.
5. name 3 bad things you ate yesterday: the Fratelli sisters. Mom says they are bad girls from the wrong side of the tracks.
bonus: it is said that bad things happen in threes. what was your last episode of 3 bad things?
a) high-school chemistry teacher
b) car wash
c) bitten by a regular spider...days of being good are over...
CLICK HERE FOR TMI TUESDAY