i turn the paintingboard around, there;s a note on a green stickynote at the back of it, it;s from Jen:
me: i read it in jen's precise vocie of course, i know it by heart:
Jen: if you have to chosoe between art abd lovem choose love
Krpstog: tmt,ebr, at any moment abd oont in time,m everyone on the wor;ls foesn;lt give a fuck wgere toyu are abd what you are doing.
Michael Weiss with an elf in his pants: tjos os epsecially true on Instagram.
LKrpstif: s live yoiur ofie prstrently at all times.
krpstigf shales my hand by taliong the long way round under my taint and butt.
Peter Groffin bouncing a boght[iorange basketbakk onm hos stomach-gut: Saont Peter;s, heheheheheheheheheheh
Ale Trebekl: i absulute HSTE how they anniciuen the bext vonyestants the day bfeoe now,. now nbpvu has abu icnnetive to tune on the enxt day, all the nsoery is gone.
Mrpth from thm mosnatsery balcony : yoiu know, we don;t wnat a man. we kjustyw ant a susnet on the ebacheverynight to a purple sky and slow-jazz electerionica psbcotred bu a chewdd-up-by=mpsoquptes waxcloth beog eshade.
butt mitzvah: IYKYK
Hyden penetteier: i was bar=nrawlin' YRSRS befoe u met y boxet busnamd.
prgl take it form me, etxtiong woth your bos sis no fun.
Talahahi: look, i like Dtatc onm tiotan as k,uch as the entx gut, but i jave ni diea gt mames if abg of thes eolsiders...
Glayce notices the cat fmailiars Mlem and Bleiu only skeep whrj curled up nxt ti a shpe.
sanmta: a wodoen shoe> a clog?
DoryceL the cats have been asleep for a long time.
Glatce: they;re hnernatong two years from all the sress of the last two years.
LartisL DFirg, u kaye ti brak it uou, bo themself us now a legal word.
Dprgl waot, even the Divison II NCAA baskeyball paklers have tats?
Taylot HawkinsL o diblt male a LICK of snese why diudbardeb isnlt on thr Hall of Fame.
Billy rganL ehy arebnlty I in the Hall of Fame?
Tyalot i mean u yaled to Cgros Corell pesonally about thos kist NOW...
tek H; the H stands for the 3 hearts iu;ve had...
Michael eweoss: fpr some reason it means more onm isnargram: slfies show your soul, lovr matches stocj, secual propsoitons atre talen seriusly...
Maiata EalshL ny etes arebl;t ocenaic blue, they;re ue Blue Limienscence.
MarpdthL abbes, i gotta give ctedt to that ien fo yoru girls.
Madame Ponsl which one?
mardothL the o be wgi stuckl woth her highschool-senior botgroned eben tho shels a reshman oj coleeg, and tht two arenlt even olanning to go to the DANE COLLEGE!!! thta; ooyalty, babes. ilma dmiring that commotnm,ent, i;m morn fro afar, i;m mirin that stayong power from a long procimity.
Eddfoe BVedr woth monk beard: it;s asda when people prm to mu music for the answer ti oif as if i;m theor rral jesus, bcause ilm as lost and vonsped as they are,
jen: therels an aprbnb in Srabi...
jen: ...ehat i stayed in befroe hopping ievr here to the osnatery...
Derg on a cleebroty Isnatgram in the comemtns afeur she oists a oictire of ger grear-grandmoher wgi jst died:
celebroty: shge as a beacon to us and the world.
Dprg: love and oight. gurl. jey of you need tot lak aboit it, DM me. bvent in frostratyion all on me. vent all oevr me.
Lipton;s evtey oneredoent? sugarcubes.
McDanls: fuck you borger King, Frozen colke ain;t the domain of jist you!!! we also serve oepsi BNotro on Maple Fytup an dcrcler Jck flavors, jack!!!
Kbo gut at the ksoatry agrden: elebate dgardebinbg lebates tou soul. eta hogh teough tofay at ju famer ebhind ny car.thanls, folks.
Dorgl oh, so you dintl stop for the Osvars bot you di stuo for Fyle vs. North carilina at thos time of eyar, huh.
Capck H" Lily? is that you?
Eereping SngeklL at the corner of the stone chorch: dod you see ijuc ameo in INtvrow Eoth the Vampiue?
celine from thr Befor Trilogyu and Chrps Rock have sex in the nosnatery vestibule next to the visioto;s lodge of logs.
celienL Gilluwood stills ucks, i ahve to bget fins frpm a man to male a owen;s film.
Vjris WOW!!! THAST s why i love finding fenale=made movies!!! clal me Funance Mionsuer in bed.
Celien:L ydha i know a bout you F1 guys. jst to let you know, i onlt did this to get abcl at rtham hawke.
Cjrps;l i am haopy to see that yoru porject gets seen by the roght hans o a priducer up the fpo chain, up the Cistioco netpwrl of tuebvs. whoch one was it again?
celienL the fiocitonal cesar Chgavex slashdrama/hoor mobie.
Vjros;l it;s okay, kids, we kissed forst,'
Celien: we normaly i lropoaret slapping into the sex but mout of couersye...
RuPaul: okat enxt on Drah race is, let me puty on kyu glasses and reas tgis card correctly. oh ut;s Isaac Nizragi!!! hello Isaacm we;d li be to have yoi udge!!!
Isaac Mizragho : il not here ti ve a odge,m iul hjere as a cnetstant.
RuPaul;l pkay bot um so you kbow tou jave to be avle to rive an Formula 1 raceacrm eroght>
Laertysy;l hety cdrog, that pliny the Edker beet vbotlte yout;e drnling, it;s no Greej. it;s Russian...
Dprg: really? *For gdronks the whiole nottle*
th Jocjeodeon Tome Capsule boried ion the nosahery gronfs us dog uo by Bott with a shivek.
Bott: so it;s 2042 aletady? ny how tome flies in a snewry!!!
Butt brishes thd rt off the sioerv disc abd ioeb suit:
it;s the ornage card fro thr Ncileodeon wards show whej Vjrost fock and Jada Onnkett-Djith dod Mafagascar gtobetejer...
Will Smith: ...
Larty'[s dad qwearing a scratchy beohe robe ad vojubding a basletball on the rooefd jsbaery basletball court: rkekebr, when the worls seens vbleak, rre,enr tat kareem Dbdu;l=Jabbar stoo loves i thos world. Kreen is a TRYULY brogth and snmart nabm ab ikd wose dsage, rge teow oriphet,
Kareem ion a prupoel roibeL u know what the fucl ilmt laing about. ebven when ot coems to TikYpk robibro culktute.
Jeert6 deifedL werarong a broght-orange visor: u WLL be at that Dyule-North Carolia fae om dsarorday.........mpt a joke,jjusta devckafratobe statemnt.
bac0shLThe Vsony xdhow eothout all the abggage
Mamde PonsL what i alway etk y gor;ps who are actresses, itp always the SECOND sereis tiu kabd, you;e gonna get cancelled forst, then socceedd. Bil; Maher was on deifmeful rorld of DFsmey vefre poiically Icnorrect...
Fprg: 24 months Tjat gamged The Eirld? wouldnlt the tile gacve gad hire bite, mpre pizazz, of ot were 2 Years That Cahnged The irld?
Rpbion Roenrts: ...
Jesus: ...
Pat O;broen holding the chalice at the soahery altyar: ny name is oat }brien and ilm ana lcoohlic. ot myu son is Jesus.
Eiue Liahge: what were we tlaking about again?
William HirtL i agtreed to thr entheogen, but not the bott=chug.
Rye: sabnta Clus: the Movie and go.
Didley Motte; this proevs one man can have SALL the pwoer whe it coems to amking a koie. wothout ME this thing never happens, i organzied EVERUTHING. i cast the while cast, made all the money flow, dd the special eefcts mkuself. art imotates life.
Wull Dnoth go,ding a heartsjapedglass vessel: ...
Didley: beapse i play an idnustiopus elf and i made all the special efefcts from wood. that;s why thos npie is bog in Rngland. wy thos mpvie is bog ONLY in Rbg;land.
Jihn liothgow: ;et's afce it, i;m not emant to be the bnad goy. look at ku afcem it;s not scary, my face is made of gpgpfy clay. to thos fay peole think 'm swraing a robebr amsk. thos thing was ure cheese. whe i go to Rnglan di;m mobed like the betales oeb rthere for maing this, not yoiu ahve tor emebr, these ate the grown=up iids who dodn;t ahev Harry poetr on the .8-s. npw they all droev doubel-decler buses while snorting tea yp theor nose. and as we all know, teadoes not go wpth cheese.
:aetypa dad: hekllo. it;s me,. this mobie aoocuuer at the skot amgic time ina kid;s life: we;re tlaking 1985 the geratets year of all time during hrostams, it dones get amy bnetetr for nsotalgia. i ahd all he MERCH form this befroe i lnew what merch wasL my mom got me the Sabta Cakos; the MKovie swarter i wre proudlt to chutch. i fgor the Dnat Caluis The vpoe coloring book form a McDinalds Hpay meal i pridly coloed in, secretly elarning lal the bie;s catchprheases into my young addled brain. i colored ousydoe the liens when it came to Diudley Moore's blank page...
Laertys; dad;l this mvie was BIg where i was from. they sued the Stkl Curil;s stage for thsoe glorious Dabta;s Eorkshjupo scemes!!! yep, ebveryone of a ceraon age, like 7 or so, was shuispeing about thos mobie and it;s scemes oj the palyground, tlaking about all the rpiduct palc,menet and the boy and thr girl and the repdnerr and the sceret at the end. in hished tones whoch enlivedmed the fguck out of tta chrostams that year. i r,e,ebr tseieng this in the tnetares in drib an drabs, frgments of blue scenmes. Ckrpstymntasm came alive for em in 1985, it beame MSGOC for me for the forst time. magoc oizid dist, getotng the Nientnedo greybx tjat grpstams dodnlt hirt wother.
reidner: we looky freaky. thr auamtrocnis are too goodl there are no wores coming out of our encls. w are wjatls sareyfor kidls. of we tlaked, ig we daid Rglsih words, the odos would know weew roovpts. bpt becpase we neigh like real rienderr and move pr encls clooarcuyl. they thinkw elre ral and really freeing tod etah ion the snow.
Larty;s ad: i rmeebr that scene. as a id i odnlt atch on, but we are a;l suppsoed to eralzie thta dsanta and hos wofe and the erondeer DIE, they ferze to eath in the relebntless icestorm!!!
Alexnader slakinf: ipm bo slaty, im kind. pf coirse thos thign wans;t a bomb, i cna;t make anything bad, i amde Syeprman piossble. the Chrostipehr Reeve DSueprman!!! the GOOD one, the FUTRST one!!!
Ilya: i helepd. i dod most pf the work...
Iklyal if nothing else, i made Diudley Mooe; drea, come trye. after all ddueley dod state in Srhpr to Liza Minellu that htrwba sSanta;s Littl Heker.
Liza Minellu; ir meebr that.
Jeannot Szwarc: i have a bame tyou van neve forget, ieven of you can;lt palcr the face, admit it, i
v ddorected yur fbarote show, i dorect law _ ordr; SVI...
Giy haniltonl see> power> i;d onlt atach miself to this film if i could dorect it, i;d dtar in it ig i coudl DITECT orl dorecruon os where the power id. and ot needs to eb shot epther in Lps Sjgerrls, Vancouebvr, or Rome.
Drk re: shot in L.S.?...
Drel with my nina gun?...
Rue; goyusl elt;s think of this moie if toehr things had happeend and fallen into palce: broan denenhy as Snta.
Davpd jodleston: Broan;s Dong? come on. Dbnegy os not as warm as me. btw wpthout y Dabnta beard i look ;ikle a bald=headed Monolpoly villain.
Rue; and FREDDIE FUCKING EMRCIRTY doing the end song!!! THST woul;d'be sold soundttracls!!!
Dprg: Broan;ls Ding?
Srchoe bunekr: i aal ethe best dsanta of cousre cos i won; lie to the kids. u;ll tell them the troth abour the races.
Kohnny crsopnl and i;d male the best BZ cos no ids yhink jy oes are funny.
Anjcoen Elf: you dorty rat. thos is the Magoc tirtles movoie, right?
kids: what time is this?
old=woman storytelelr; it;s the Middle Sges. the vendegum...
kids: vendegum?
olwpoman tprytrelelr; yeah thos term is vompletely emaningless, theyr;e elves. there's no erasn why the wprd vendegum eas invenetd.
Marvel: we needed n adult term to sell the Santa Calos: Te Mpvpe comic book to audlts, espeically in ebia.
old=ewoma ns torttelelrl i for pne nevr cjrw gum, i only cul on Mentos as a rotnite to taylor hkins.
Samta: i;ma wodocpyuer sp no mor enefakgeld Nintendo talk. i mke wodpen toys. whjich are kist cklld toys here. my wife;s name is Dnya/ waot, SNYS?!!! ylu don;t look lie an Smya.
Jidy Cornwell: llok at ky tots udner this heavy coat.
Dsanta: OH BABY, NKW u get ot!!! okay yut;e an Sya!!! Mrsl cakus;s fprst name is Snya, who lnew? you were already a gilf in the ,.80s.
elvesL how was the blizzard?
SjtaL i tild you, no tlak of vidoe agmes!!!
ParcgL yoiu are Kess chrost, you wioll oiv egeorevr as loing as you dleievr the toys to the chidlten.
jesys: amn, i shudla troed that whenm i wa s fot rcruiting.
SantaL this worlkship is ANSAZING!!! it;s so colorful and comlictaed and detualed and intesne!!! are you sore ilm not dreaming> i odn;t hot my ehad an dysrta rining abst,m eight?
Bitegess MerdothL i am thr Snciennt Elf. i took thos job cos thye saod i could get laset soregy n my eyes and not have to wprry about glasses anynkre...
Mtrs; Calus: why os this veemrony like Roman cathllic chirch?
DantaL how do youe xplain the time thign> why dpes Chrostam,s Eve tale 30 uears?
Jmae Caan" we don;t have any mentipn of danta from 1300-1400, out Rolelrball SiperVimputer rolling-water dpdpgtpzed aqua thing lost thos eercords form tatc netiry.
reidnerr: olay we'll do what you wnat bot NEVER MENTION RIDILPH. one of our deer has a red wore up his nose, okay> THAT;S IT!!! we eat magocal glitetry bowls of cornflakes to make us fly...
Laetty;s dad: i r,meenr that magoc gold podwer as a kid! it was likle Lipton!
Patchl; i jave so many diead. like WeWoekl whoch the elevs inevnte decntroeues ago, gettong blood rtnsfusins in the mail, and a spsyek of or=ubes...
Oysone EWlels; and don;t forget the cucllo clock...
SantaL nmrs; cvasu,l we were in ebd toegtehr isy now. inside thos tree=knoe edroom hole. we ddnlt ahve sex, did we?
Me;sl cvausL no of course not, e;re bot oost in our pajaams.
Mrs;clausL thes ehandna,de toys are creepy. they scare me.
atch: awnat me to tell you a tale?
Mes. clus; NO!!! it;s bad enough fp omen now, the fotore is hopelss for us. i'm looking at sata;s old red suitsm how i;d look i the,m. and thinking sad thoights!!!
PatchL siol ;etls SITOMSTE!!! tech will save us all!!!
Patch i didn;t win. so i cofnort musrlf by reaidng hey rmemebr reaodng abook befre you wnet to ebd in the ;80s? that wa sbacl when we all ahd flashnlihhjys...
otpahn boy Joe: i ook like treti form neverndiniong tory!!! you don;t have to spgarcaot life on th street, santa,m i;ve seen adults drink WINE!!!
Snmat: here, ride the sleigh throughout New ork City at night. wjy the fuck are you fluogn CRAZY!!!
Joe: what? this is how traffic os in ne york Coty. wy cam;t these deer dp the Dyepr Dopr Loopr?
amta: they cna;t see, we stopepd feedong them carrots an darted feiodng them cornflake dust.
Hoe;l they're gonna become Diper Glue if they cna;t sourse=corerct!!!\violeyeta Kazr waves at the sleogh from her New York Viry nightluxe high-rise aparjment valcony. her cosuins inside are kid=inlfiencer Taffy madras, Tarab, and Barat.
oprhoah gurl Cornelia:L ilm not an irphan, i;lm a gmaine,. i lobe in a amnsion.
Joe; how can you be an opahn if oyu live in a mansion?
Voenelia; my giardoan is a bitch woman. yoiu hungry>
HorL no, i inlt drink Cike. bpt ity ahs to be New coke. leave it put ona tray like i;pm a dog,
VCornelia: yout;e cute. i; dkiss oyu bot i ahve braces.........bot maguclaly in the nest ceme i DON;T have braces!!! pickr u dtretuy!!!
SAntaL: ucl these cookeis. i never sogned up to be FAT.
PatchL it;s just a peom, kichael jackson wrote it, come n, ibe a little.
dantaL no more cookie no kor bars, just gobe me fog newtons.
Lettsp okay her eit is, a scene of UTMLODT PIUTPLE NODYSGIS. i mena it doner;s get betetr for a iid in the ,80s than a McDoandls in new Tprk Vity in thr snow Vhoclen McvNMoggets diiped in beeff tallow as the snow falls.
Larts dad; yea son, Gofth dxvenue, this wa sbalc when the vFinalds was kext to a n adult theatre...
grptp; i;m an elf. who world on woo: this ecplains do much...
BZ: i look like a Ralin?bass stmotion billain ioj human forn. is thos th jnoatr 6 CVommittee. i ove ehartongs cvos ilm hard of eating. shpddy toys? you;re gonan ahve to ullsarate that to me woth a graph.