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HALFMONK: AT LEAST BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS (BUBBLEGUM CRISIS)
i turn the paintingboard around, there;s a note on a green stickynote at the back of it, it;s from Jen:me: i read it in jen's precise vocie of course, i know it by heart:Jen: if you have to chosoe...
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42ND STREET AND THE BIG GAME
notes:* Duke vs. North Carolina: the biggest versus this weekend. i got the blue bloods winning. the only sport of game i stan involves a basketball, not the meat in McDonalds burgers.* this is so...
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TMIT: WILL TIGER PLAY THE MASTERS?
will Tiger play the Masters? yes, yes he will. Tiger Woods will play the Par 3 Contest on Wednesday, that's it. April flowers bring May showers...1. the month of April is named for Greek goddess...
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HALFMONK: AT LEAST BELIEVE IN ELVIS PRESLEY (DARK NIGHT OF THE LIGHT SOUL)
me: are you monks or ninjas now?monks weating rosaries as belts: we;re ninji. and Elvi.me: i hear kennofer Pizarro's bocie ronging in my rhad as i drea,m in my sleep at the moanstery. i have yet to...
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WILL TIGER WIN THE MASTERS?
notes:* Klondike Bar: that's pretty irresponsible, sorry, guys. you can't have people shaving their eyebrow for a Klondike bar, what's next? it's just gonna escalate into deadly TikTok challenges.*...
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TMIT: WHAT'S THAT BIBLE VERSE AGAIN?...
it's raining outside and i LOVE it. even thundering, but that's not good enough for Jim Cantore to show up here for his sting...watch the Pink Floyd "Money" music video again, it's more relevant TODAY...
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HALFMONK: WHAT DOES "THE FUTURE" MEAN? (TONY WOULD WANT MY SOUL TO BE NAKED...
Jennifer Pizarro: it's not that she's any kind of girl. any skeezer. a higher-echelon princess. a Nobel Prize winner. a winneress. a wintress. it's that she's HER. simply THIS PERSON. you love this...
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DESI ARNAZ HOSTS SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
notes:* the Desi Arnaz SNL, it's not on the Internet Archive!!! not the full episode anyway. you have no idea how much i NEED to see this episode. fine fine you finally got me, i gotta buy that DVD...
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TMIT: THOSE OLD CARTOONS WERE KINKY
1. select a kink. you're a first-time visitor to a dungeon and you are CENTER STAGE because a sizable crowd has gathered to watch youi don't do crowds. i get very self-conscious.........wait i can't...
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JFK SURVIVED: CANTERBURY CAMELOT (BUYING BOOKS IN DALLAS)
John Fitzgerald Kennedy survives Dallas. because he never went there on that fateful day. instead he has a shipment of books he buys from a quaint obscure-paperback booksellers, the same shoppe at the...
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JEAN HARLOW PAYS HER TAB
notes:* look at that photo up there, that is Jean Harlow literally MINUTES away from her collapsing and dying. her final photo. it's spooky and macabre and makes you think about life.* Jean Harlow: i...
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JFK SURVIVED: CLEAN AIR (RED ROCKET, SORE PENIS)
JFK: we gotta keep it on the down low, Marilyn.Marilyn Monroe: right.JFK: don't let a picture be taken of us together in the same room, the conspiracy theorists LOVE that stuff. always have your back...
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THE FIRST INSTAGRAM PIC
actually above is two contenders for the first-ever photograph.notes:* Emu WeddingPastor Doug: no Kevin no, not today.Kevin: call me Satan.* Lowe's Spring Festman: we came here to buy guns?...
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TMIT: MAY DAY!!!
1. if you could see two things change about your significant other what would they be?i want her to be kinder to herself. also no pressure but it would be cool if she worked at 7-ELEVEN cos then...
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JFK SURVIVED: JFK MEETS THE BEATLES (JOHN LENNON TEDDY BEAR)
a hush comes over the Ed Sullivan Theatre. and then: THE BEATLES!!!the crowd goes FUCKING WILD.JFK steps onto the stage. he gets applause, too, but it's not as loud not as raucous.JFK shakes every ONE...
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ORGAN OF THE MOONIES
notes:* Eye Luggage: what were we talking about again?Kyle Mooney: i was never in the Moonies cult. tho i did have that rad Moonies organ in my garage. sandalwood, two deepthroated pedals, one bass,...
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TMIT: THE NEW DOCTOR WHO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!
big congrats to Ncuti Gatwa!!!1. write a 100-word story using the phrase "kinky love triangle".the new Doctor Who is announced and the Theatre District in Britain is abuzz. David Tennant reminisces on...
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JFK SURVIVED: THE SPACE PROGRAM (YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST SPACE MOVIE)
JFK on the stump.JFK: America is all about exploring the unknown. first. we got the ladies with the balls to do it. and a couple of dudes who aren't afraid to burn up in the atmosphere. we will set a...
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ANDY WARHOL MAKES A KILLING
notes:* Mardith: so Face Yoga. but is it just cosmetic or is it actually therapeutic? weirdly, the Buddha Face pose looks more sexual than the Lion Face pose...* Gladyce: Funyuns. there were NO...
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TMIT: TIMES WERE SIMPLER IN 2012
looking back at my answers in 2012.........i mean.........what the FUCK was i writing back then? it looks like the screed of a raving lunatic in an asylum. i mean i was STARK back then, THOROUGHLY AND...
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