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$2 MILLION SUPER BOWL TICKETS
notes:* Jacques Pepin: it's not a Valentine's Day dinner unless you eat it on a stone by a raging river.* Tommy Lee: the reason i drum upside-down is Pam Anderson said Julian Assange tortures this...
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TMIT: GWYNETH PALTROW ATE HER OWN VAGINA
i mean what can you say? all you can do is bow down to that, bow down to such a feat in love honor and respect.2nd pic: not ice pops. not Otter Pops. flavors: lime, lemon, orange, Bud IceCondom...
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HALFMONK: MY DEEP DEEP DESIRE TO QUIT AND RUN AWAY (SCIENCE IN A MONASTERY)
midpaint and i start ti irtch. something;s crawling up the side f y thraot but nothingl;s there. have i gone monk-crazy?me: it only took one day!i see the sot sght in the umkevsre below. and it;s not...
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STARLIGHT ELYSIUM
notes:* White Diamond: hello starlight. okay so what's your best guess as to what the new Starlight Coke tastes like?me: um. like purple drank with 5% Cinnamon Coke and a trace marshmallow...
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TMIT: SAVORITE
the day after a big global event, that Monday after, is so melancholic. we're talking Say Anything-level melancholy here. it's hard to get out of bed, to start the week, there's nothing to look...
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HALFMONK: DEHYDRATED FROM BIRTH (THE WHALE'S TAIL IS THE SPOCK SIGN)
Butt: so i hear you want to convert one of the unfinished mason rooms in the monastery into a The Bearded Bean coffee shop?me: yeah. thanks for waking me up without coffee by the way, that was a...
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FRIENDS FIRST
notes:* Putin: i gotta fight Klitschko now?Klitscho: in the ring.* Dirg: hey, do you know where Stephen Collins is?Mackenzie Rosman: no. stop asking me! leave me alone! it's not like people just cos...
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TMIT: WHEN A BOULDER GETS STUCK IN YOUR SHOE
1. covid dating behaviora) are you choosier?yes. i spread my lover only with Jif, choosier milfs choose Jif.b) are you less choosey? choosey, that's a fun word to sayc) are you more frank and up front...
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HALFMONK: ALL MONKS ARE MISERABLE (GEORGE JETSON IS A DJ IN SHERMAN OAKS SPACE)
i am floored and taken aback in salacious surpise. my head hits the straw wall.Jennifer Pizarro: why isn't your wall stucco?me: it's on the workers' list. how are you, beautiful.Jen: oh no don't you...
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SVITOLINA WINS FOR UKRAINE
notes:* Gael Monfils: and the tennis tributes come pouring in. as if my wife couldn't get any sexier. honestly i was thinking about divorce cos i was starting to get bored but not anymore!!!Svitolina:...
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TMIT: ANTHONY BOURDAIN LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS
right? did you watch Roadrunner on CNN last night? my body was not ready. and certainly not my soul. when is Daylight Saving Time? my head is a wreck of emotions out to sea, everything in this world...
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HALFMONK: FLIGHT INTO HEALTH (NOT A REAL SPORT)
Jennifer Pizarro and i in my monk cell.Jen Pizarro: how is it you use the Phoenix Mirror more than me?me: thank you for this lovely gift, it was quite thoughtful. a full-length body mirror with a...
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SESAME WATERSTON, LUIS + MARIA 4EVA
notes:* at the Sesame Street Luis-Maria wedding.Luis: contrary to popular belief, your name is Sonia Manzano and we DIDN'T get married IN REAL LIFE.Maria: Sonia? but ain't real life just a dream?...
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TMIT: TOPLESS TYPEWRITING!!!
Pete Davidson recently texted Kanye West the following:Kanye: where you at?Pete: in bed with your wife.i mean...that's checkmate...that wins...that wins forever. there will NEVER be a greater internet...
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HALFMONK: SALVAGE THE NIGHT (THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, DAD)
the morning comes.me: did we?Jennifer Pizarro: sex in a monastery, the ultimate kink. i left you a going-away present.me: am i going away?Jen: you're the one who wants to be here, remember? it's...
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COPSE
notes:* Mary Nolan: my name woulda been cooler if it had been Mary NOLA.* Alison Roman: i'm not fat. i'm a big girl, if you know what i'm saying.* MAD Magazine: we were your Family Guy, Saturday Night...
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TMIT: BIRTHDAY BOARD GAMES AND MY WALMART EXPERIENCE
TMIT falls on my birthday!!!Miranda Cosgrove: my favorite book of all time is The Glass Castle by Jeannette.........Walls.Jennette McCurdy: ...Jennette McCurdy: not my autobiography? come on, pal,...
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HALFMONK: HARPOONED BY SOME RAGING MONK IN THE ACT OF RECEIVING GOD (I'M...
at the Ukrainian Tea Room inside the monastery.Jillian Clare: now that i'm president i'm allowing myself to splurge a LITTLE. yellow poppies in a glass vase half-full of Perrier my good sir, that...
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MAURY POVICH IS REPLACING PHIL MICKELSON
notes:* Maury Povich: now you see, I am who you should follow. kids, i am your exemplar. don't hold that i look like Skip Bayless against me. i lived the best life, i crafted the most creative career....
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TMIT: THE SLAP HEARD ROUND THE WORLD
did that just happen? did that really happen? the morning after and i'm still dazed and confused. watching that in real time was a truly surreal and bizarre experience. at first i swore it was a bit...
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