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Jen R: PIVOT!!!
me: my eardrums!!! you cleared out my earwax because it was nostalgia.
Jen and i are in our two-man hostel at the very bottom floor of the Upper East Side.
me: how'd we get this place so cheap?
Jen: i know New York.
our small one-room apartment is ENTIRELY a sofa. it's one big blue couch. the two of us spoon in the center of the room.
me: okay with the microwave being here? the microwave won't burn through the sofa?
Jen: should be fine. it's conducive energy, right? did you get the 28 frozen chile microwaveable burritos?
me: i knew i forgot something when i was out in the City grinding keys.
me: why do they call it a loveseat?
Jen: because it's just small enough for two people to squeeze into it to fuck. have you ever fucked in a chair?
me: not purposely. there was that time Rod Serling and i were making sweet love in a chair after the Thanksgiving turkey tryptophan.
Jen: missing anything?
me: you, me, here, talking, it's the greatest adventure of all time. no outside adventure could ever compete with this.
Jen: it's the magic of the sitcom setup. it's not a memoon, which is depressing. not a hemoon.
me: Jackie's boyfriend.
Jen: not a shemoon which is only Michael Jackson's calling. but a wemoon. wemoon is love. a wemoon works because it's about working together. wemoon, not women...
Jen: did you get the Starbucks at the new Brick Starbucks?
me: food only tastes good if it comes out of a beige bag the size of a window.
Jen: huh, i thought this breakfast claw would have egg in it...
Capp: i'm still trying to get to the other side of my birth...
Michael Weiss: if you're still around i'm gonna find you and i'm gonna DM you a meme on Instagram. this will happen.
Paramount Plus: not for the Yellowstone, for the soccer.
Lin-Manuel Miranda: that's okay, i'll perform a Trump-specific Hamilton musical number in Trump's bedroom at the White House, Melania isn't in the bedroom...
Babe Ruth: fake beard, real picture.
Melissa Maker: can i get a voice like yours if i practice hard enough? i'm an aspiring voice actor.
George Lowe: say BURGEONING voice actor in the interview. my voice was SO DISTINCTIVE i couldn't do any other roles...
Melissa Maker: cartoons are for kids and fucked-up adults.
George Lowe: i mean imagine my voice doing Hamlet...
Instagram: tap Mute Notifications, it's the Monk Button...
Michael Weiss: set your Instagram to Private, keep the riffraff out...
Jules Smith: British village.
Warren G rapping "Regulate": i looked at the brother and said, "damn, that's rough..."
at the Hip-Hop Summit.
Queen Pen: barefoot in the lobby is just my natural state.
Foxy Brown: it's just a song, bro. were you really discovered at an IHOP?
Queen Pen: yup. Pen, not Latifah, i was the original Queen.
Foxy Brown: damn. i had it a bit harder, i came from the streets. tho i do use the IHOP syrup when my man is naked on a table...
Suzy Lu: bestie westies for the resties.
Steejo: ...
Suzy Lu: let's just stay at Best Westerns for the remainder of our life.
Steejo: are you calling me a dog?
Jen R: it's been a rough morning. that means we were woken up at 4 AM.
me: people assume when they talk to you that you're free like them. not so.
Jen: this sofa is cigarette-proof. if i dig my lit cigarette into this all-encompassing circle couch like Debbie Harry's tit in Videodrome, it won't singe.
Debbie Harry: where has atmosphere gone?...
Jen: name two things that really make you cry.
Jim Henson: can Debbie Harry get naked if i get naked? warning: i look like a hairy hippie.
me: one: the song "With Every Light" by the Smashing Pumpkins.
Billy Corgan: the lyrics AND the music.
D'arcy: my wedding song, boys!!!
Jen, nodding her head many times: if Heaven was all you had...
me: and two, the story "Clever Manka." the ending, you know?
Jen nodding her head a lot: that's a lot that ending, for a head to shake out.
me: the most valuable thing to Manka was HIM...
Jen: damn, i'm gonna start crying TOO now. that's why she carried the body across town at night, which is a creepy thing to do. imagine doing that in Carmel.
me: they would just think it was a Forest Theatre stunt.
the tiny color TV sits in the center of the couch circle with one wire hanging like Babylon.
Jen: unmute it, look what's on TNT!!!
me: so? it's the billionth showing of Star Wars.
Jen: but it's the Star Wars with Rey!!! all men most watch THIS version of Star Wars.
me: why? so they get used to a female Jedi?
Jen: no, for the spirituality. men don't go to church anymore. they've all joined political gangs.
me: tech gangs are worse.
Jen: there is such a thing as too much money.