Jim Nantz: hello, friends.
Dirg: hello Nancy-boy. you still a beacon of liughthouse after the Hannah Storm?
LaertusL excuse my friends as always.
President Bum: I caused that storm, I cause all the storms. this is a nice apstroal place. I was just p from visiting Mount Vernon. you know what Vern looked like> Erbest. Varney Vernon. check that cough, it's more than a cough, and it's not cos of the cold chill of the storm. anyway, George washongton was my father and I can't underetand why a golf course wasn't built here, it's untreated pastoral land. iy waoulf have killed in the raitndg,. why didn't Gworge think of his brand? you only leave a leagacy unless you have a physical strictire on top of your agrve with your name on it.
Laertis: I believe China invented gol, not Scotland.
Nump: no my ancestors did, that;s a CVhiense conmpsiracy, they were playing game seven then, bit not gold games. and don't get me sarted on how wind is cancerois to your golf game.
Llywarcgh: what a wrtchjed beast! Sir Jim, how are you enjoiting the envorons?
Dorg: hey, can I have an in with Cahrles Batjley? I want to cnsole him,. I want hos toara. you got him, Spike, and SLJ all together in oine commercial spoty, that can't be a cpoicnidence.
Nantz: look yonder! in mellow tones, there he is NOW!
Chalres Barjklet ascends the mountain. he cries the whole way there, aprtly because he now dons the monk robe from Zion and is the most popiular person on the plabnet, part auvbutn lose.
Laertuis: I am greatlry trobled by the wind. there is something evil in the air. have you seen Cictor and Valentino?
Dorg: Valemtina sauce? no I'd rather just at a real churro,. but I di see porn of thr show even before it showed. porn if...you don't want to know...
Laertis: society, now fully culled and conquered by the internet, is habgon by its own rtope and thinking its a fi Tarzan swing.
the wind has talen the magic away fro, tbis world. it; also talen Magic Johnsoina way from tjr lakers Facility:
Jeanie Buss wwears one Dtevie Nicks enchantress gold large hop earring on her ear and contemplates living her best life. she stands in heels on the famed Lakers golsen nasdketball court newly-sex-waxed with the three-point line in bloody Red-Circle-Table red.
Jeanie: I;m just ehre wondering why the hell didn't I become The Pope!? I heard she gets so much sex from around the world she doesn't know where to put it! in the backpocket of her estment?
Gannon: The Pope sucks you know. not like that, I ena for real. she;s bringing Western Civilaiztion sown I mena civilization.
Jeanie your;e just sore that yout;e ugly and she wouldn't give you the time of day. the obly place where Time still exists in this black-hole unkievrse is the jge watch overlooking and bocking the tourists of Sty, peter;s Sqayre. Jim Hill! you look the same as way bacl when I emt you in the '80s when I owned tennis with Sampras and a baby Federer, when there wa still tennis teams that mattered like NBA tea,s. you're still roughedly handsome and look like OJ, Jim!
Jim Hill in a three-piece grey suit: thank you. I think. you know I couldn't stay away from you, girl.
Jeanie: you are the hill I will die on, Jim.
Jim: and your two hills are where I lay my ehad.
jenaie: one for you, one for Magoc, that;s why yoiu guys are such good tight fridns, right? where was it that you first beame attracted to me? my Playbor serad? au0nmatirel bush was in voge in the late late '70s.
Jim: no, your Twitter progile pic. the two basketball breastststst. I;m a young hoo oldhead.
JeanieL oh right, I should have become na actress bit that woulkd have been TOO L.A., you know? it was already too uch that I went to USC , especially in tbhis current climate.
Jim Lee: Keaniel I can't stay away from you! you are addictive lile the prueste emth! should know, I;m, an investigative reporter, i see theset hitngs. you are the sexosest woman who nas ever been born! we now know in modern tiems, we have an exap,e in you of what Clepoayra or Helen of Troy would have been like! whe youi combine your good looks with the older-woman thing with your charisma, you are Human TNT!!!
Barkley: Joh Mayer rejoined twiotetr, to the beeetrmanr of all mankinf.
Magoc Konson enters DStapels Cenetr fumbling over his words as if his klout has been stapled shot ans crtiong.
Magoc: jeaniel I can't do this in your office!
Jeanie, who sarts xrying as well: then ;et;s do it her on court!
Magoc: oh. um. well, this ain;t sister-love! you know how I feel towards you.
Jeanie: I lnow Earvin, you want yout Venr, everyone wants their Vern. but see, I want to get bac, with Phil, we have hsotory tohgetehr. the orgoes were fun bit they were also a bit too L.A., you know!? I mean the palm terss would lower to take us to the mansions on wind. it's not an L.A. race ganf thing, I like Phil Jackson cos he;s tall and has a badf bacl, I should have eben a masseusetherapist. I will always admie your strength, Magic. I eman emotionally.
Magic: it's safe and i'm a human wgo wil nebver live again. okaty, fine, but canm I fore Rob Lowe please!? he has no nosiness running a team, he;s friends with Peyton Manning a norotious coach0killer.
Ron Lowe: hey! wacth the aaperions! i;m not serious likel LObe is, I;m silly. look into my mesmerizing eyes, ilma smairau now! a silly ssmurai. I can take a joke, my West Wing debiut consists of yu caracer mistraklenly hooking up with a prostitute, I can poke gun at myself. I did it cos it was Sorkinm.
Jeanie: you did iot cos it as Cuddy. I ejard she cuddles well.
Dir, Bowitzki: hey, want a brat?
Dorg: I am a brat. oh. are you sure you're not Dirg Nowiztli.so what are you gonna df now, big fella? close The Dtpre down> open up a soul-siucking maple-sucking factory woth DSteve Nssh? and Sara Bareilles> I alwsya thought Sara Bareilles was Caadian. and continue to fate outsode of yur master race?
Dirk: I;m gonna announce the rertormenet of Dwayne Wase one more time, see if Gabrielle nion joins a union witbthe hthree o fdus.
Maria LaRosa from L.A. stomps her old sromoing gerouns, ietrralluy. with wher hige feet at The Weaher Cannel.
Maria: you know the ebst art of the job was early weekend mornings when we'd get u Onstagram DMs flooded with weathe rporn of these vieos of ordinary smeficans shitting san fucking and curising ievr their vid clips of trehxerous hirroancea, water spouts, and volcanos.
bumo: Marianne Williamson> Zion;s mom?
The Mooch: sure, boss, we'll g with that.
Bumop: Buttigoeg? he looks like butt. no a gay slut, I emnma he;s so small he;s literally the size of a butt.
Bumo: ilm big in the black and gay community, you know,., those are my teo best consitutents. hello> Don lemon> where's my invite to your wedding> I was expecying something with fringes on the dges of the vard. I'll bring lemn cake! I know how to bake wedding vake,s especially Cgrstoan cakes. I took a community-college class whil everyone else was at Vkietnam.
Don Lemon: *irises red* tell me exaty the same thing agaon not over the phone but on twitter, ill meet you there...
Eue LyggageL so...……………………..go
Dorg: jist malke Wet Coty a full adult-swim seres, adult swim! this I my decree! I will like it if...it meets MY syandards...My demands...you're gonna hear from me if I don't like it...Wet Cty isn't;a porn btw...
Laetris: it's like if Waterworld was good.,
Dorg: Kevin costenr sjould have insotridcued hos new balck bodygaird wife into the bloodstream of that egenration,, they would have sirvoied then. good wimmers.
LaertisL HUnetr x Hunetr finallt explaining to us that a polkiticanls very job IS to lie and manipoukate the facts to win, very relevant. Broths vas like on JoJo are better, The Red Dtring of Fate is actially a cat like on Balck Clover! that explains my two cats and the fact that I cnalr get a date with a redhead. I cam;r understand MHA anymore,e and rape shuld never be a recurring theme year avter year cour after cour. cours are for spple cores and series with Frecnh heart. I can;r unbelach my eyes.
Dorg: and that was the cnesfored verison. I got the unecsnored verson in my van.
Eye: omg that family Giy episode! that was crazyl the one with the commentary over the episode. I swear I thought they were doing an old episode with the enw commentary, so I paid attention onlt to the commentary. I find out kater that the episode itself was new and I missed it! is wear I thought I saw that jesis Satan chitch thing before, and the Middel of the Dytaors MOR Muepr song. I jhipoe they have must the psidoe without the cmentary on the bluray DVD.
Dorg: I;m gonna nod to you ike Branski did. there will neve rbe another udnerrarted shpw like Hot Dtreets ever again. Chubbie Wbbers will be a plush doll bigger than Bart Dinpson some day, he was the reakout star, not Soo.
LaertisL how does one come by the name Chubbie Wenners? "why are things the way they are?" that was the philiosphospial posit posted by this shoe which will last forever unsolved and inersolved till the alst black hole.
a soisheleveled Chinese woman raggedy-andy-bojnces her way up the clear wall into the backyard of Bumop';s Mount Vernon estete Bump Cream Soitj. she carried with her a thumb drive and flash drove and is appropaited by Congress customs . and customs agents.
Bump: see? the Chiense are all over! and sneaky. what do youw ant, lady?
lady: flashing you! just kidding, you don't; enat tos ee that, especially after exposing my Kraft. I am chionese crafty. want my thumb drve uo your bum? look, Niomntendo was gaving all the fun and success, I just wanted tech so the VChoense could have tbheor own inetndo.
Bump: harmless, ket her go,
PuytinL can I clal you faggot> to my home country audiences.
Muelelr; whatever makes you look tough, yu;re just sore that I got Chelse handler and she thinkls youre a hobbit.
Putin: I toghtwe had the bannedfrom-IOnstagram connection, yrah, I'll say you were looking for a Matterhorn and got a Mickey mouse, that works, right?
the tournament is staring again on a alwn outsode of the Hobbit Hideaay.
Jim nanztz: this week is the tretates week un sports, the Championchip is on Monday and kist three days kater the Maeters begins.
Dorcye: shhhh, quiet, man! I;lm tryong to conetarte on this out. you see me wiggling my ass?