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AZIZ IF YOU PLEASE
learned:* warning: sponsored content* not everyone can live in the white house.* this saddens me. i mean what i wouldn't give to have long hair like that and you callously rip it off.* warning: a lot...
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TMIT: SAD SUMMER
no, not the Game of Thrones thing, it was the series finale of Vicious last night. i am so depressed. more than usual. i'll miss inhabiting those intimate characters and that intimate world. Ash will...
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FOR A SUN: FLASH IN THE LAND
Lysander: your name, dear?woman: what does it matter. you take one look at me and see a blob. and that's just it. a blob with no outward emotion, no arms, legs, and precious hands. i prefer you see me...
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I'M ALWAYS TIRED. MY ENERGY IS DEPLETED.
learned:* seriously* why is it that i'm more tired after my shower? (tireder?)* that Norwegian doc's got like no accent.* Colonel Sanders, in keeping with his brand, is stoned.* Bazooka Joe did this....
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TMIT: SWEETIE DARLING
top pic: you: the ant. life: the sugar. if you're an addict it's the other way around.don't worry, they won the case. the jury didn't actually hear the songs themselves, but art is art is art. similar,...
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FOR A SUN: UGLY IN THE STREETS
Madchen is driving Hartwin home on this drizzly foggy night. or day. on her beat-up used hovercar. she takes the chance to wrap him up all snuggle in a heavy woven blue blanket in the passenger seat....
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DEEP DIG
learned:* L. Ron Hubbard admitted on his deathbed that he was just trolling everyone. and what he really wanted was a dentist. you know how these things start, you get really bored one day...* camels...
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TMIT: I GRILLED MY OWN WIENER!
tasty. own homemade recipe. and i do mean homemade. who knew Burger King would make hot dogs great again? Wienerschnitzel will just sell pretzels from now on. okay, let's shoot the breeze. *after the...
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FOR A SUN: DRUNK AS A LORD
Lieu stakes out his position very quickly, running away to the swamps before nightfall. he plops down on an acreage that no doubt hasn't seen human feet in years, for nobody goes out anymore.Lieu: can...
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IT'S THAT KIND OF WORLD
learned:* well that sucks. and Fed would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for that meddling McEnroe.* he's hot.* the movement passed me by. there go my sit-ups.* instead of mutts, let's...
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TMIT: THE SILENCE OF THE FANS
lawn tennis: bringing ex-girlfriends together since the 12th centurythat moth ate the Bernie bird...1. have you ever orgasmed just hearing sexy dirty talk? no, i'm usually just in the mood for pizza...
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FOR A SUN: MENAGERIE
Lieu, dead to this world, wakes up, rubbing the sediment from his eyes.Madchen: patched in?Lieu fumbles with his phone but not really. he's amazed at how adept he is, the tiny apple machine is an...
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NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAVORITE SONG
learned:* Ernie: you still asleep, Bert? you haven't moved in, like, a really long time...............i'll let him sleep. Bert's had a hard life.* if more people wore nightcaps to bed it'd be a gentler...
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TMIT: STRONGER
1. hi there. tell us about your job and what you do. i could tell you but then i'd have to marry you.2. what piece of advice would you give to a co-worker? please be my friend. i'll pay you.3. what 2...
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FOR A SUN: A REAL HUMAN BEAN
Hartwin: i'm tiring of all this. when does it end?the flamingos are snoozing. that was some heavy black chai.Hartwin notices a line he can cross. the Fight Night goons and the gators are going at it....
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TO BOLDLY PHONE
learned:* Picard: make it so.Kirk punches Picard in the face.Kirk: get outta here, Frenchie.Ramsay: i like this guy.* Sulu: OH MYKirk: what?Sulu: nothing.* Kirk: so whaddaya say, Uhura? we made history...
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TMIT: DEUCES, PART DEUX
1. what's the hardest thing you've done? grow a spine. i refer you to that Next Generation episode where Worf has Klingon spinal surgery. note: don't watch that episode while you're eating dinner.2....
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FOR A SUN: WHOEVER HAS THE GOLD MAKES THE RULES
Hartwin raises his arms for Harfi to carry him.Hartwin: cry while you work.Harfi transfers the injured soldier to his bed and casts him up on the Discobolus that was under it.Hartwin: whatever you do...
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NOBODY READS ANYMORE
learned:* sweater guy: you're a nice guy. kind. hard worker. so why are you cursed? what did you ever do in a former life to deserve this? they're just fucking games!* Dr. Mario can't help you, this is...
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TMIT: DON'T SAY MY NAME
1. is oral sex cheating on your partner? nah, i was always taught to talk things out.2. what is cheating to you? steak. i became a vegan to get yoga moms but i'm so fucking hungry.3. does your partner...
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