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TMIT: CAN OF BISQUE
learned:* but what if the Falcons won the toss...* cheaters always prosper i mean greatest of all time* this does not bode well for the future of our country* what i would have said: this proves it,...
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FOR A SUN: MILLION-DOLLAR WOUND
Madchen is starting to take longer pauses before her pronouncements which is disconcerting to all.Madchen: rise up. oooh, sorry, i mean arise. you are a noble warrior of light, child, you have nothing...
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INSOMNIAC INSPIRATION
learned:* Clerks but not trying as hard* oh, i finally get it! that's why it's called ampm! it's open 24 hours!* the pencil is mightier than the porn.* y'know all cartoons should be like this. color...
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TMIT: SINGLE BUT OKAY
1. are you "in love" with or simply compatible with your SO? (Russian) studies show that the "being in love" period usually only lasts about six months. love, compatibility, it doesn't matter. it's...
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FOR A SUN: GEMATRIA
the chill in the air is slightly more so, it bites Musculo in the neck with the force of an awkwardly long and strenuous handshake. he knows something's up.Musculo: thank you for meeting me in the...
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THE MOON IS A PERFECT STONE
learned:* J.G. Quintel: history's only art-school success* hear that crunching sound? let's just say Pops is a cannibal* when you're a celebrity but still crave attention* the waiter is a failed actor,...
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TMIT: CALIFORNIA CRISIS
this is bad. it's raining. it's raining in California. a wire snapped and is hanging out like a snake in front of my home, wrapping its tendrils around my mailbox, blocking me from getting today's...
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FOR A SUN: BANJA
Vlad: what you like, russian bath?the KGB thug says as he welcomes Bump and a melancholic Melania to Saint Basil's Cathedral for an end-of-holiday russian party.Vlad: i am KGB thug, yes? that's why i'm...
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THAT'S MADAM MADAME TO YOU
learned:* director: Redd, you're on! stop yawning.Redd Foxx: i'm getting too old for this shit. uh, i was imitating the MGM Lion.* woman on bus: father, do you forgive me?priest on bus: wanna fuck?...
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TMIT: DICK TRACY IS ON THE CASE
learned:* Dev Patel is fucking cool.* Hollywood ending. full of drama.* all i want to do is write, act in, direct, and edit one of those obscure foreign-language shorts that Oscar recognizes each year...
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FOR A SUN: HEIMWEH
the Oscars have a surprise ending this year.the Rock gets up on stage and the entire cathedral to cinema erupts in rancorous applause, like it's getting revenge for the last time. the Rock strikes a...
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SAMOFLANGE
learned:* CLICK HERE* i'm exhausted. washed the litter box today. power washing. with my power hose. dunked the gunked scoop in a pail of hot-as-hell water overnight. left the pail in the shed and...
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TMIT: ROD4PREZ
God and Cthulhu Bless You, Rod Serling1. which of these are you most guilty of in a relationship? a) jealousy b) not apologizing c) not keeping your word d) guilt trips i need to go on that guilt trip....
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FOR A SUN: IMAGES OF HEAVEN
Madchen on her knees on top of her office desk rifles through the odds and ends and broken pieces of pebble and Stones with halflives dribbling the last of its golden power juice in her upturned...
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GRASS
learned:* THAT'S SO ME* waitress: what are you writing about?seeker: i'm just tapping my fingers on these keys. the computer is turned off.* waitress: what are you writing about?seeker: Walt Whitman is...
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TMIT: THE INTERESTING AND MOST DAMNED MAN IN THE WORLD
R.I.P. One Pieceyou were good to me. anime has ratings? maybe a little too much ear-shattering screaming. weird yo-ho-hos. i never want to hear from Gol D. Roger again. 15-minute recaps. but you...
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FOR A SUN: SHEHECHEYANU
we're here and now but will we ever be againcos i have foundall that shimmers in this world is sure to fadeaway againMadchen: there comes a time. and that's it.Codrus: why are you lot so desperate for...
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DEPP THOUGHTS
learned:* Johnny Depp: i normally use a saw to cut this axe.* Johnny: this isn't an original song but it's my band covering it and we're playing the Viper Room so* Johnny: i'm not trying to be cool,...
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TMIT: BILLY CORGAN SAD AT DISNEYLAND
Billy Corgan is my Babyman Crush Eternal1. what did you do with your very first paycheck? yacht2. besides paying recurring bills, what did you do with your last paycheck? the banks don't trust me...
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THE ANSWER IS OFTEN NOT EXPEDIENT
learned:* old shaman: i was told there would be a famous band. where's the music?woman: in your head. what's up with the Santa Claus beard?old shaman: it's an important question you ask. who is Santa...
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