MR. MALDARK: PARTY ON THE TRAILS, PAGE 3
Mr. Maldark is greeted with frantic hugs upon his return to school.Kelechi: *on the phone* no, baby, don't go to the Gadsden Mall. you can see Star Wars anywhere, it's playing all over, not just at...
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OUT OF THE RING
learned:* the world would be a better place if we all got rid of our garages and parked our tractors on our front lawns.* landlords are people, too* y'know eventually those monster trucks are gonna be...
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TMIT: SPATCHCOCK
it's not a dirty word. it's a method of preparing the Thanksgiving turkey to make it easier to lie flat on the grill. thanks, Bob's Burgers. i'd rather not get into the details cos it's pretty...
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MR. MALDARK: HUNGER HEADACHE
the Pinto has been outfitted to look exactly like the DeLorean from the movie.Mr. Maldark: wasn't that supposed to be more of a guide? i mean it's not even similar, it's exact. which blueprints did you...
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a small man drives a jeep wildly, crashing through the North Korean gate and into the no-fly neutral zone which divides the two holy halves of sacred Korea. soldiers of the North are shocked into...
View ArticleMR. MALDARK: HUNGER HEADACHE, PAGE 3
at the National Anthem, Papa John takes a knee. he kneels hard, making sure to plant each knee firmly into the turf before he begins singing the Anthem. he gets through the entire song without...
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EARTHWEARY
learned:* went Black Friday shopping with my mom. at the mall. just for the atmosphere. memories. moments. mom-ents. make new ones before your old ones run out.* let's not get into weird, fraught...
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TMIT: FRISKY FRIDAYS
1. why should you have sex on a first date? cos she won't have sex with you once she gets to know you.2. why do you dislike giving oral sex? who says? i love it like Tony Soprano loves it God rest his...
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MR. MALDARK: THE UPS AND DOWNS OF THE COMMON MAN
Kelechi: Mr. Maldark, what are you doing?Mr. Maldark is sitting in a pool of his own soda. lines upon lines of crushed cans of Mojave Rattler encircle his head on the floor.Maldark: i am drunk but...
View ArticleMR. MALDARK: THE UPS AND DOWNS OF THE COMMON MAN, PAGE 2
Comey: Ashley cracked the case! you two bumbling idiots could have never accomplished what only Ashley could.Mueller: hey! i resemble that remark. it's not about achievement, it's about getting the job...
View ArticleMR. MALDARK: THE UPS AND DOWNS OF THE COMMON MAN, PAGE 3
Kelechi is mesmerized. she picks up the Sword of Saad. her arms are burning with yellow fire but her cells are already dead so she doesn't feel anything anymore. she takes the point of the sword and...
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NOLOGY
learned:* i seriously need to get to a spa. don't necessarily need my nails did tho i wouldn't refuse. i want to be pampered with pillows. i want a pillow for my feet. i want a pillow just to lay my...
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TMIT: SEXY SPECIFICS...........THE NEW FRAGRANCE...............FROM LANCOME...
1. what do you find sexiest in a woman? her mystery. you're never gonna know what she really is thinking. it's probably better you don't know. everyone is in a rush to learn how to read minds but i'm...
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"WE WILL ACHIEVE PEACE ON EARTH, WE WILL ACHIEVE PARADISE..."
learned:* i broke my fingernail. excruciating pain. i may not be able to type some words* ooooh, PG S. waiting for the Sex. PG-rated sex is always an odd duck, it's always something you don't expect...
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TMIT: SUGARCUBES WERE THE FIRST DICE
1. with whom would you like to take a bath? my cats. and Noops my dogfather.2. you are in a motorcycle riding hard down a country road, wind in your hair. who is the hottie on the bike with you? are...
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LONG WEEKEND (1.1)
it was simply and without reservation the defining day of my life.the library was my sanctuary. from myself, my school, and my stupid dorm room. i hated people and university life just reinforced that...
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------------------------------------President Bump at the Cream House Hanukkah Party:Schumer: hello, sir, you still like me?Bump: where's Jared?Schumer *eyeglasses on his nose and holding a drink*:...
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GLORY BOX
learned:* oh, i can still log onto blogspot? cool.* warning: this is slow as molasses at the start but it heats up towards the end like burnt molasses. (burnt molasses is a gas substitute.) much like...
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TMIT: BEWARE THE RUBIK'S CUBE WHICH COMES ALREADY SOLVED BEFORE UNBOXING
1. what was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? why did you like them? her name was Laurel. she got me...nevermind. she was in the sixth grade. she had on a tattered verdant and...
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LONG WEEKEND (2.1)
"i tried the muffalata. wasn't half bad." it was Auverin's turn to start. the days all melted together that summer, in the long beanpole of the few weeks before the fall semester would begin up again...
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