LONG WEEKEND (2.2)
not like me. nothing like me. why was i there in the summer? let me count the ways. my aborted college career was one of fits, starts, and giving ups. i changed my major so many times on multiple...
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ALL WORK IS SEASONAL WORK
learned:* they say this one lacked their usual magical spark.* remember when Monster.com was the ONLY place to find a job? ah, the '90s. for the record, i never found a job on Monster.com.* don't drop...
View ArticleTMIT: MORTON DOWNEY JR. SINGS THE CLASSICS
Harry Connick Jr. is like a more attractive Morton Downey Jr.1. do you celebrate Christmas? does the Pope poo in the woods?2. tell us about your Christmas celebration. when i was a kid i would put on...
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LONG WEEKEND (3.1)
and so we made a habit of it. at first it was punctual like a freshman and his caf card, but the race to sophomorehood demanded we lax our standards and meet up "accidentally" in that same library...
View ArticleLONG WEEKEND (3.2)
President Bump is on the phone. he is sweating profusely and his greased palms are sliding off the receiver and the bannister of the Christmas scene propped up by an assistant who recently got her card...
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WHITE NOISE MACHINE
learned:* Maisie Williams was hotter when she was younger...* i like Snow Dance better than Sway. sorry, Apple, Apple Japan wins.* sheesh, why so negative? is it cos you can't leave comments? or that...
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TMIT: MIDTERM
1. did you make any resolutions at the start of 2017? if yes, how did you do at keeping them? what one thing are you still doing? to be kind. but i stole that from Doctor Who. well, i watched the...
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LONG WEEKEND (4.1)
a week went by. a week is a long time. it's not a long time for a student tripping over bargain fiction skidding on the race to Friday. but it's long for a boy not yet a man to speak with his...
View ArticleLONG WEEKEND (4.2)
me: we sit down for Christmas brunch at night cos we'll be in church all day starting at midnight and i digest the most mouthwatering roulade with frosting. i even start appreciating the lights beaming...
View ArticleLONG WEEKEND (4.3)
Anderson Cooper: where are you? i'll be right over.Andy Cohen: you didn't run to me when i had to eat Panda Express for breakfast in an airport lounge at 9AM.Anderson: sweetie, just friends, sweetie. i...
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175 STORIES
learned:* Attenborough: in the wilds of the Savannah, we find the wildest singer of all: man walking.tourist: you can't say bush anymore. why is it so cold? i thought we were in the...
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TMIT: NOSEY
1. how old is your longest living relative? according to match.com, everyone is related to George Washington.2. do you hope to live to this age? only if i can lucid-dream while dying.3. what is your...
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LONG WEEKEND (5.1)
it is snowing. hard. like Erie, PA hard. i motion to go back inside. i can see the faint light of the lounge. but the corner is too severe to see Auverin. is she there? i can only imagine now. she's a...
View ArticleLONG WEEKEND (5.2)
i walk. and walk. and walk faster. the snow lessens in my mind. i drift into a jog. then a brisk jog, then a rog. then a run. then i'm running as fast as i can, my unmittened fists swaying in the...
View ArticleLONG WEEKEND (5.3)
Auverin: wannacry?me: what?the lounge is playing a low toasty fire in the place, a toaster's record spitting reggae as our final adult inculcation for our final conversation.Auverin: you always told me...
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ROUNDTABLE IN A SQUARE PEG
learned:* where's Megyn Kelly? she forgot her shoes.* Von Miller: you won't smell me coming.* Aaron Rodgers: i get the high chair.* Damian Lillard: i burned my hand on the stove when i was a kid....
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TMIT: UNARMED TRUTH
1. a friend gave you a pie touting it as a favorite family recipe, and you ate this pie and got sick---or had an allergic reaction. the friend calls a few days later to ask, "how did you like the pie?"...
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OLYMPICS 2020
learned:* Pepsi is love* i see you, Procter & Gamble, you keep doing your thing.* mom: stop jumping on the bed.girl: i'm gonna jump so high i crash into Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos ship so i...
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TMIT: VENN SCULLY: THE TRUTH IS IN THE MIDDLE
1. favorite childhood memory: my first-ever memory: seeing the spine of I Ching jutting out from the bookshelf in my groovy dad's opium-smoked den. me a toddler on a '70s shag carpet. i'm gonna write...
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CRONES: RITE AID
Sultan was where they trembled on this grey earth. where their souls resided, where they locked. they were inseparable since birth though never related. they were each other's parent, mentor, and...
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