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TMIT: FEAR OF MISSING ORANGE LIKES
orange addiction. it's a real condition. some instagrammers have it. addicted to the orange like-hearts. i may. or not. not sure. have to get a first opinion. have to go see a doctor. my insurance...
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SATELLITES (SETH)
Cotard: how are you?Codrus: got a knife in the front from my best friend. peachy. keen.Codrus removes the knife rapidly and plunges it in his stomach, chest, and third eye in a plume of time. the smoke...
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CHURRO LIGHTSABER
learned:* G2-4T: excuse me, you'll have to check that excess baggage. oh, i'm sorry, i didn't realize that was your husband.woman: it is. does Disneyland have a marriage-counseling center?G2-4T: yes,...
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TMIT: LONG TIME NO CHATURBATE
1. do you access the internet on your own computer or a shared computer? shared computer?! how could that possibly work?!2. do you regularly browse websites you'd rather your SO or mother not know...
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A PLACE OF OUR OWN
Cotard: dancing makes me horny!Codrus: what? and why are you so close to my face? i need my personal space.Cotard: it seems the further we get from one another the more we realize space is an...
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IT WAS NEVER "A NEW HOPE" TO US, IT WAS JUST "STAR WARS"
learned:* Barbie was the original Princess Leia.* remember, this isn't about you. it's not about your fatal attraction to Jar Jar Binks. you are but a cog. you were born to make money. you were born to...
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TMIT: PHOENIX DOWN
1. have you had major surgery? what type? root canal. i think. i fainted before the procedure and woke up ten hours later with gas breath on a couch by a plastic plant. soothing elevator music broke...
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BUMS
Cotard wakes up from a long long sleep in which he dreamed rich rich dreams none of which he can remember. he has a headache.Cotard (rubbing himself): that's how you know it was good. i will never...
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WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
NO, DOWN HERE, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINKhappy weekend, happy Everything, happy holidaze...
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GUANXI
Codrus knocks heads with a sleeping Cotard.Codrus: sorry, buddy, didn't see you there.Cotard: i've never lived until now...Codrus: that's for sure! look at us! we're the kings of the world! let's make...
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BOLD SOUL
learned:* so the Next Big Bang's coming. but y'know, as long as the explosions are in rhythm with the music, i'm cool with it. destruction's gotta have a beat. there's no creation without creativity....
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TMIT: OLDE YEAR
becoming ye olde year...what is sexier?1. arms or shoulders? shoulders. shoulders are boulder holders.2. ass or legs? Assy McGee is the sexiest combination of both.3. pussy or dick? why? now take a...
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DANSING
the homesteader is sitting slanted quiet brim of his hat covering his entire body. every so often an arm outstretches from the hat's ribbon to turn over the stick that's puncturing a hole in his can of...
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PREHISTORIC-CODE
learned:* Barney (talking to himself): Betty's beating the fuck out of that rug. don't get on her bad side. just a mental note.* Fred: the wives sure do work hard, huh?Barney: yeah. wanna go help...
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TMIT: TIMEMAN
1. why do you fall in love? tits. they cushion my tongue when i fall. do you know why men are attracted to tits? it's cos they look like butts. David Brent taught us all that.2. what makes you fall in...
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DUNKLE NACHT
CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINKCodrus: it's gonna get real sad.Yayray kicks up the white sand and crouches in a footballer lineman's position ready to strike one-punch. the green bird tries to...
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I KNOW MY SPEED
learned:* narrator: don't stick out your tongue, Vault Boy, that's not falling malt balls!* narrator: the fallout will turn ordinary citizens into decrepit rotting beings who've lost their ability to...
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TMIT: LION'S MANE
we are all special snowflakes. we are all different, that's what makes us all the same...1. what are your sexual strengths and weaknesses? i'm a good sucker. i suck.2. as a couple, what are your sexual...
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WAIT, DIDN'T EINSTEIN INVENT BEER?
learned:* E=mc2, formula for beer, right?* Fred: there's a lotta bush gonna be sold!Barney: so we're at the bar right now, right? not the prostitution den? it's just i don't want to get on Betty's bad...
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TMIT: YOU KILLED SVETA! YOU BASTARDS!
or did they? another episode tonight!1. when did you last sing a love song? what song? did you sing it to someone? the Toni Braxton biopic's trailer's got me singing "Another Sad Love Song" when i bake...
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