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VAQUITA
the news hits hard.Quinny: i know dear, cry on my shoulder, we will miss that little whippersnapper forever.Binny: that's just it, he grew up too late, he had to catch up too speedily, he was hopped up...
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WATCHING TV BY CANDLELIGHT
learned:* so, what were your favorite shows growing up?* it was on PBS in my area. everybody experimented in the '70s.* "i would watch it after the news. nothing on Candle Cove was ever as scary as...
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TMIT: HALLOWEEN WAS A FESTIVAL OF LOVE
CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK1. sex. what are your areas of expertise? i am male.2. how long have you been having sex? since last Thursday. study hall, you know how it gets in the library.3. what...
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WAR TALKS, or THE STADIUM EFFECT
Binny's diary:i've reached an end, i wanted to see how far i could take it, Quinny: honey, you're not writing in your journal, you're writing out loud. i burned your diary awhile back, remember? it was...
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PANTS
learned:* Krabby Patties cause cancer.* Patrick is my favorite Spongebob character............i can relate to him.........for some reason.........*twiddling my thumbs whilst whistlin'.........in a...
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TMIT: IF YOU HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE, DO IT ON THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME
1. are there any literary or tv/movie relationships that remind you of your own real-life relationships?CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK.2. would you rather make a phone call, text, or email? any...
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LISTING
Quinny lunges her bedraggled sister over to the Grand Oak. Binny is contemplating getting on her knees, her skirt is torn, her face is full of puss, her forehead is crackling open. steam can't escape...
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YOUR CONFLICT-RESOLUTION SKILLS ARE THE BOMB
learned:* fight instructor: see how i straight-blasted Ron? thanks, dad.Ron: i'd do anything for you, son. i'll be in the hospital. visit me.fight instructor: the one on Main?Ron: no, that's the...
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TMIT: UPHOLSTERY
1. what brings you here to TMIT? that gorgeous white couch above, that thing is a masterpiece of tablature wood and spring-mounted action. and the redwood finish in the background completes the grand,...
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HANDBALL: A LOVE STORY
Mickey Bump: it's not Andrew Luck's fault, he needs a better O line. it is Andrew Luck's fault, he's a turnover machine. the truth depends on if you like Andrew Luck or not. it's always been this way...
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FROM BONGOS TO ELECTRICAL DRUMS
learned:* sponsor: Mr. McConaughey, don't you worry, we'll have a light trained on you at all times to keep you safe when you play your bongos buck naked in the woods.* friend: i fly whenever i read a...
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TMIT: BOW IN HEAVEN
CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK1. tell us something you like but you hide it from your friends who would just tease you mercilessly for it: i have retained a bit of my humanity. i'm not all-android...
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MATCHES
Mickey Bump is sitting in the NY office. he takes a pause from phone interviews to pick his nose and eat it.Bump: gold is gold.*ring ring*Bump: hello?Codrus: so we cool again?Bump: yes, boss.Hilary...
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KIDS WILL BE KIDS
learned:* Phil: no. no.Phil turns to the camera.Phil: parents, raise your kids well. make sure they don't grow up to be assholes.Peter Pan: that's not cool, Phil, i'm an orphan.* Peter Pan punches Phil...
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TMIT: CORNED BEEF
1. which one do you want more of in bed: romance, experimentation, or foreplay? fiveplay. sixplay is fiveplay with butter.2. what are three mistakes someone could make with you that would necessitate...
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TRAINEE
Bump lies on the ground not wanting to get up. he knows he has to go on but doesn't know why. it's as if the bump on his large head made him think different. he's playing a game. but it isn't even his...
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LOVE
learned:* Black Hole Friday* she has more subscribers than me.* have you ever wondered what music looks like?* Contra Level 2 if i had played it in college, not fourth grade. i was very innocent as a...
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TMIT: I'M ON A CLASSY BOAT
1. my dream vacation is to_________ everyone knows the dream by now: go on a cruise for ten days where all i do is watch obscure black-and-white existentialist films from the start of last century and...
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MAD MANTRA
bumumumumumumumumumMickey Bump lies on the ground completely. he's melting into the ground. his arm skinnies and bends backwards awkwardly. he makes a v with the fingers of his tiny hand. in pops a...
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TRUE STRENGTH
learned:* one good thing about a nuclear holocaust: tons of mushrooms created and lying on the ground for you to eat.* THIS IS NOT WHAT WAS MEANT WHEN WE WANTED TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!* this is...
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