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CRESPI CRISPY APPLE: LUCIO ROSSI, SAVE ME FROM HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!
me: why do i have to go to high school? why does everyone have to endure the nightmare that is high school? it's not fair. i don't want to go to school anymore. i don't want to go to a private...
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LEFTOVERS
notes:* got the turkey shits? eat more spaghetti...* Bakewell: keep your muff pie warm, the feeling of bliss is a Peppermint Frosty.* Christian Pulisic: of course i play for an English soccer squad,...
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CRESPI CRISPY APPLE: REALITY TV MAKES ME SAD, DAHLIN
Avo Babian in the track tower: how was Spanish class?me: SO INTERESTING. Mr. Diamond is a HOOT. he's so cool and down-to-earth, his bald head makes the class shine. Avo: are you sure it's not the...
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FOLLOW YOUR BLISS AND DON'T GET PAID FOR IT
notes:* space aliens don't like sand, it gets in their trunks.* there's plenty of sand to make EarthShip homes for every human, no trees required.* my dancing is so good you don't see my flappy floppy...
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TMIT: CANTALOUPE OR ANTELOPE
1. what do you think would be the funniest part about being in Hell? you'd be there at the blue table playing cards with Marilyn Manson:me: Go Fish.Marilyn Manson: we're playing charades i mean...
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CRESPI CRISPY APPLE: GREED COSTS MONEY
me: i don't know which room to enter. the 15-18 y.o. boys weightroom in the middle of Crespi High or the swimming pool inside the bowels of Crespi High.Avo Babian: i've been down there, pooing in the...
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DELIVERY IS THE KICKER
notes:* Meghan Markle and Prince Harry: we met on Instagram.Michael Weiss: well yes but you're giving ordinary people false hope. it was a little more complicated than that...* Boc at the...
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TMIT: WE ONLY USE 'TIS IN DECEMBER
1. would you rather have a cold December holiday season or a warm holiday season?you know me, i'm a goth, I LOVE COLD. but i gotta say.........only if i'm under my LARGE-ASS cream square-pleated down...
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CRESPI CRISPY APPLE: CHICANO COOL. AND WOODY WOODPECKERS ON A PLANE
Michaela From Safeway: i work at Gelson's now. you like my Santa hat i'm wearing all month of December long?me: i'm just glad i'm as far away from the farmlands of Salinas as possible.Michaela From...
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I'M ACTUALLY GENUINELY HONESTLY LOOKING FORWARD TO RICK AND MORTY SEASON 7
notes:* Ritchie Valens gets up on the Crespi stage and starts singing. the crowd, mostly young girls in pink poodle dresses and 1950s pompadours, goes wild screaming their asses off.Ritchie Valens:...
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TMIT: NEXT WORLD CUP: 195 COUNTRIES WILL ENTER THE TOURNAMENT...
i'm happy for Messi but that goal by Mbappe was special.1. would you rather work on Christmas Day and earn 4 times your daily salary or spend the day with your family?family. money can't make you...
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CRESPI CRISPY APPLE: HOW TO MAKE A FILM WITH ZERO DOLLARS
Michaela From Safeway: it sucks. i can't contact my peeps no more.Gladyce: have you tried the telephone, dear? they say only your true friends will pick up but only if it's a landline.Michaela From...
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SHOEBILL IN SNOW
notes:* THE SHOEBILL!!! right?!!! i mean this crazy bird is straight outta prehistoric dinosaur times!!! i'm fucking scared!!! you can't tell what is the real bird, what is the statue, and what is the...
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TMIT: 2023, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
1. would you rather live in a real haunted house or a gingerbread house?a real haunted house of course, specifically the castle Dita Von Teese and Marilyn Manson got married in at that Vogue shoot. i...
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CRESPI CRISPY APPLE: YOUR SWORD IS BIG ENOUGH
Allison Mack: sacraments of initiation, don't worry it's not what you think, these are good things.Monsignor Navin: yes, girlie, THREE good things so it's double-good. Catholicism is not a...
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STOP BELIEVIN' IN YOURSELF AND START BELIEVIN' IN JOURNEY
notes:* this episode of Off The Air is WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR A LIVING* everyone in Atlanta, Georgia wants to live in Los Angeles* man: we'll flying into Baltimore to meet dad's new girlfriend. she's...
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TMIT: COCAINE BEAR!!!
1. who in your family is most likely to be attacked by a bear? my yogi named Yogi. by Cocaine Bear!!! Cocaine Bear, that's gonna be one wild movie.2. when using a urinal, where do you look? i can't...
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CRESPI CRISPY APPLE: NEAR-FUTURE HUMAN ENHANCEMENT
Gladyce: when it rains hard i step outside the Treehouse DELIBERATELY IN MY SOCKS. no shoes. no pointy clogs. i love the sensation of my socks quickly welling up with water, getting soaked, soaked...
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THE FIRST ROSE PARADE, 1893
notes:* omg Roger Federer was in the first Rose Parade in 1893!!! you knew if there had to be a first time-traveler it would somehow be Roger.* Vanguard Annuity Insurance: live the Family Ties life....
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CRESPI CRISPY APPLE: LIFE IS NOT A CLOSED SET
Mr. Diamond: think of the most perfect room you've ever been in. i won't mark you down if you don't say my classroom with the orange shag rug up on the 3rd floor with no ventanas, no windows, no...
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