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famISH
Cotard rides his bug around the streets of Rio. it's slow-going. his beetle kisses a taxi.Cotard: i've infected you. just be glad i didn't eat you. hey buddy, know a diner? i am so starving. i need to...
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THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS: BELMONT 2015 GAME, ANYONE CAN PLAY!!!
OMG! IT'S DRAKE! *SCREAMS* yes, Drake, THAT's who i look like! y'know when you're at the bus stop and the dude asks you what celebrity you look like? and then he asks you to do some other stuff for...
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TMIT: *CLANGS TRIANGLE*
1. ever had an orgasm at work? how? details: i was outside taking a smoke break in the fetal position i mean lotus position, with my eyes closed as you can see from the pic up above there. it just...
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BUT WHO WRITES THE PALMS?
the rains have done a number on the fields, you can't tell if the bananas are browning or it's just the mud on them. the sky is only slighter browner than the rows of brown on the ground, which helps...
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LIGHT TRAVELS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT
folks, don't worry, i got ya, all explainable, no need to panic:learned:* okay it's good for Africa to get some cool weather.* lamp flying to the ceiling: just a poltergeist* i feel so sorry for that...
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TMIT: TOO MUCH IRIDESCENCE (DOUBLE RAINBOW)
FIRST, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS LINK.1. what's something recent that happened to you that is truly "too much information"?: i wet the bed last night butI'M AQUAMAN, CLICK HERE, RIGHT HERE AT THIS...
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VALE TUDO
Cotard: whatever strength i display is not my own, it is solely my mother's, i am her vessel, i don't matter, i don't exist without her, people become brighter when they die, they are never that way...
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YOUR HOUSE, FENCE, OR ANTIQUE ROCKING HORSE CAN WAIT
learned:* Mona Lisa: there's a painted pizza on the canvas. do i really have a pizzaface? have i been lying to myself this whole time? was my mysterious smile distracting everyone from the truth?da...
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TMIT: INSERT
1. what would you eat for your "last supper"? pepperoni pizza and i'd keep an eye out for the supperguest who spills the salt. the 'za doesn't need any more salt anyway, the sauce takes care of that.2....
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HENS TEETH
four days later and the revolution is in full swing. everyone's doing their part. there's nothing like a war effort to bring people together. who is the enemy? it doesn't matter, the broader the...
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SWOOSH
learned:* GIVE UP Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â YOUR DOUBTS* gotta do four more of these? not feeling very motivated.* it's true, if you let your...
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TMIT: WHEN THE GAME OF TELEPHONE GOES HORRIBLY WRONG
1. are you privy to a secret about a famous person? do you read gossip about famous people in magazines or online? i know celebrity gossip is just meant to distract the populace from secret world...
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PORTAL OF DOOM
Quinny: i don't like it here.Binny: you keep saying that. you've got to be led by affirmations in the morning. i can send you that calendar of pics of that cat that looks like Kiss hanging on the...
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PUSSYMATIC
learned:* man: i'll have this.woman: i'm married.man: no, the flowers. why are you banging on your keyboard there?woman: piece of junk won't work for shit.man: PCMatic.* woman: PCMatic?man:...
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TMIT: EXTRA SENSITIVE PENIS
don't double-dip the chip with your whip.1. do you believe in ESP? do you have those abilities? of course, reality isn't reality, perception is reality. if i did you better believe i'd be first in line...
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GOOGLE TRANSLATE SUCKS
Yayray looks around and sees the clownfish scurrying to a hidey hole in the coral. he wrists his hand and the fish slowly matches the slowness of the surrounding water and reverses direction into his...
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SHE'S A BETTY: ME TARZAN, YOU BAE
learned:* that's the real cheetah.* thank god the skipper doesn't shoot the hippos anymore on the Disneyland Jungle Cruise. now, that one hippo with its mouth open shoots water back at the skipper as...
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TMIT: THAT WAS LOVELY, CLIVE OWEN, BUT THE WIMBLEDON STING'S STILL IN ME
1. what places have you visited in the last year you'll never visit again? my bathroom, my kitchen, and my room. no, i'm not renovating, these three places are...well...how do i put this?...constantly...
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LOCK-OUT DEVICE
it's time. Alex neatly folds his newspaper, has a chunk of bacon which looks like ham, wipes the sweat off his newly-minted mustache, kisses his family and rides into town. he can do this in his sleep...
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SHE'S A BETTY: COST OF THE GIFT OF LIFE
learned:* Johnny's all, "should i really do this? should i come out like this? i guess i might as well now."* like the Tarzan skit, everyone should have been naked. for realism.* i'm not reliving my...
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