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TMIT: BOUT DAT LIFE
no Grand Slam :( but there's still the Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast :) i wake up early.1. how do you handle it when someone you're speaking with crosses the boundary into TMI? i don't believe in...
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FULL LENGTH STUDIO ALBUM
Cotard wants to take a victory lap but the swailing winds of salt keep getting in his eyes, he can't appreciate the surrounding vegeatation as he and Erneste walk around the grounds.Erneste: the farm...
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IT'S TOO HOT
i need to summer on Kepler.learned:* Golden Sea Triever* Space Ghost, there are worse ways to die than by runny confection. you know this firsthand.* directions on the back of the hot dog package:...
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TMIT: MY BELLY STINGS
1. what did you have for breakfast? spaghetti2. what clothes did you put on? what are clothes?3. what did you have for lunch? you. it was glorious. remember when we had to align our lunch breaks just...
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LEGITIMATE FORGET
what is freedom?Kenyatta: i forgot what i was thinking.she slides across a large tract of patch until she sees the creek winding longingly all the way away from the parking lot of the studio.Kenyatta:...
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SEX SANDWICH (OR SANDWICH SEX)
learned:* man: i'll have the new turkey thing.Ā sandwich artist: okay but i'll let you in on a little secret, turkey's been around for awhile.* sandwich artist: french bread?man: use that bottle of...
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TMIT: CONDOM-CON INTERNATIONAL
1. why have you not done that thing you've been dreaming about for so long? cos then it wouldn't be a dream, it'd be a reality and reality sucks. btw my dream is to be the paper merchant of a small...
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DELIBERATE FORGET
flippin' between channelsAtalan at the lanes.Atalan: i love coming here and dunking my head under. i can escape this crazy world. until you need a breath again to survive. that is so cruel. can't...
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SHE'S A BETTY: NO, THE WATER WAS COLD. THE WATER WAS COLD!!!
learned:* Johnny (drops and wraps his towel around his neck): i'm completely naked here on stage. i'm fucking Method.* reporter: where did the whole patting-each-other-on-the-butt thing come...
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TMIT: SPARE A SQUARE?
soy un perdedor...1. how do you hang your toilet paper? end over the top or end around the back at the bottom? whichever one is the wrong way. but i make sure my toilet paper is always folded into tips...
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THE UNIVERSE IS SLOWLY DYING
Atalan: i stand here on the precipice, on this podium but i don't know why. is it of my own volition? or am i just a cog? am i the good guys? yes i feel that i am, i feel it deep inside, that's my only...
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BANKRUPTCY IS TEMPORARY, HIP HOP IS FOREVER
learned:* but they are roommates.* Jim Henson is teachin''em how to Dougie in his grave.* OMG i had a rubber ducky when i was a kid. did you? he was my friend. my best friend. my only friend. he talked...
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TMIT: CAN SOMETHING BE BOTH RANDOM AND RIGGED?
1. when you first skied down the slopes of love with your SO were you a) bunny hill beginner b) seasoned ski bum c) black diamond risktaker pulling out all manner of trick and inversion?: i was a...
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GRATEFUL FOR GLAWIO
Erneste: my friend, my brother, i ask you one more time: the crying.Cotard: i'm shaking right now but not as much as back then. at my lowest point, i was as simple as could be. things were less...
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NOT THE NIETZSCHE THING
learned:* Aquaman: every hero gets beaten up, it's part of life. whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.Captain Atom: what?Aquaman: nevermind.* Aquaman: you think Batman is a C-lister? he's...
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TMIT: EL LENGUAJE DEL AMOR
1. do you speak anything other than English? i speak fluent Destinos. also, i speakĀ a patois of English and surferspeak called Phoenixese, like for example: "what up broseph, did you hang that gnarly...
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DO BE THINK
the beautiful lion spirit roams his prairie in the abundant sunlight. while the rest of the ants on Earth fry, here the weather is always just below temperate, it's always a bit cool to remind folk of...
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EXERCISE HACK
learned:* wait, this is easy, use the perpetrator's fear of heights against him.* Luffy from One Piece is a great character. his entire body is completely rubber...* kids don't try this at home....
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TMIT: HIS PILGRIM SOUL
recount your sexual biography:not much to tell reallyTHE TALE OF THE SEVEN KISSESi was like Garp, i was growing up fast and wanted my initials to mean Totally Sexy, not Totally Shy. but i was a...
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WATER SAVE
Bump is campaigning hard at a waterpark. he's barely squeezing into his polka-dot one-piece.Bump: folks, thanks for joining me here, this weather is a disaster. wait, let me sit under this oversize...
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